I've had anxiety honestly for as long as I can remember. I can remember being back in middle school and getting anxious for no reason whatsoever and just thinking that it was normal. I didn't know I had anxiety, I just thought that I was getting nervous and that it was normal for it to be that bad, but later on in high school, I realized that it's not so normal.
Anyway, after a few life-changing events, I finally spoke up and admitted that I needed some help because it was truly affecting my life and my relationships with people and I didn't want that anymore! For me, I was very against any type of medicine and looking back, I honestly don't know why. At the time I thought that I was too good for that and that I could do it alone, but there's nothing wrong asking for help and I wish I could go back and tell myself that!
Almost a year later, I'm happy that I take medication and even though, some days, I don't think I need it, overall it's probably been one of the best decisions in my life so far. Even though I recognize that, this week I went to College Orientation (that's overnight) and I had a breakthrough.
If you've never been to college orientation, or maybe your college orientation was different, let me give you just a little bit of a background as to what it's like. I showed up on a Thursday morning bright and early at 8 a.m. and I wasn't allowed to leave until Friday at 4:15 p.m. Because of that, obviously they allowed us to stay in the dorms on campus, which I was super excited about! We stayed in the Suites which means I shared a room with another girl and then our room was attached to another pair of girls, and we all shared one bathroom. I was excited and also a little nervous because it was alphabetical and I had no idea who I was going to be rooming with until I got back into my room late that night.
I met them and it was great, they all seemed really nice and it turned out that I actually already semi-knew one of my suite mates, so I was thrilled that it was going so great. Well, it eventually came time to go to sleep and as I was looking through my bag for my pajamas, I saw my medication. I instantly went into panic mode and wanted to hide it and my brain went insane and it was like I already knew what was going to happen. I was freaking out and scrambling to come up with what excuse I was going to use in the morning if one of the girl's asked me what they were for. Now, thinking back to two nights ago, I realize that most likely nobody would ask almost a complete stranger what they were taking medicine for, but at the time my mind wasn't thinking straight and I was in the "fight-or-flight" mode, as any of you with anxiety can relate to. Well, I came to the conclusion that I'd just tell them that I just get a little anxious some days, but I really didn't need them anymore just to downplay the situation. Then about ten minutes later after I had calmed myself down and came back to reality, I realized just how dumb that was.
Why should I be embarrassed about having anxiety? It's something that I honestly can't help and so many more people have it than we even know about. Now obviously there are those people who like to broadcast that they have anxiety because they think having a mental illness is cool, but other than that, a big percentage of people with anxiety don't like to talk about it and it's time to end that!
Anxiety is something that we can't change; anxiety is a mental illness, but it doesn't define us! It's okay to have anxiety and it's okay to talk about it! Having an anxiety disorder can be difficult and a lot of times we hate it, but we are so much more than that and it's time to let people know that. Here's the thing that blows my mind and made me so angry at myself as I was laying in bed that night: 18 percent of Americans have an anxiety disorder (this is different than just being a little nervous sometimes), but only one-third of those people receive help! This is a monster that effects millions and millions of people, some who are probably sitting next to you right now, and we're too scared to talk about it. Anxiety is OK, but what's not OK is playing it off like it's normal and pretending that we can get through it alone. It's time to tell everyone that it's okay to ask for help and it's okay to be open about it, even if you're just being open to one person. It helps and I promise that it will get better if you just ask.
Now I could go on for hours, but I'm sure you're all wondering what happened that next morning when I got up and took my medicine in front of my suite mates. Nothing. Nothing happened except for me feeling dumb about even worrying about it in the first place. I know I couldn't stop myself from worrying because that's just what anxiety is, but it made me feel better knowing that I could separate the two feelings. The thing is, most people who don't have anxiety don't understand what it's like, but a lot of them also won't judge you when they hear you have anxiety, and if they do, once they're educated about it, they'll just want to support you. Anxiety is okay and letting people know you have it is okay too. I just want to encourage you to get the help you need because it will make a difference in your life and the people who will judge you about it don't deserve to be in your life anyway.
