It's constantly scrutinizing and criticizing every little detail of your body. It's praying people don't look at you, but hoping they do. It's taking longer, less frequented paths to class so maybe fewer people will see you, or if you're lucky no one will. It's always being worried about what people think of you. It's watching every step you take and move you make. Are they judging you right now? Probably.

It's not answering questions in class because you'll probably say something stupid. It's needing participation points, but being too worried you'll look dumb. It's constantly thinking you're the dumbest in the class. It's constantly comparing yourself to everyone around you. It's getting sick to your stomach when you find out that super smart guy will be applying to law school the same year as you, because that lessens your chances of acceptance even more. It's wondering why you didn't interpret that sentence the same way as everyone else. It's feeling inferior.

It's the constant fear of rejection. It's always thinking you're not good enough. It's feeling like almost everyone is better than you. It's the constant pressure to fit in. To adapt. To look this way and act that way or you'll be an outcast. It's wanting so badly to make friends, but not knowing how. It's trying to find anything to relate with people and spark up a conversation. It's failing to do so. with people and spark up a conversation. It's failing to do so.

It's doing anything to seem normal. It's trying to smile, but worrying about what you look like. It's laughing too hard to mask what you're really feeling. It's keeping your thoughts and feelings bottled up because you don't want to bother anyone. It's feeling guilty because you know deep down you're incredibly blessed and you don't have the right to feel this way. It's the conflicting feeling of blaming everyone that ever did you wrong. It's wishing that certain things had never happened because maybe you wouldn't be this way. Its realizing it's only your fault. It's thinking you're defective. It's not having any friends because you push everyone away. It's pushing everyone away because if I push you away now, then you can't leave me later on. It's always feeling like you're unwanted.

It's staying awake all night and sleeping during the day because you feel like the daylight will stop the dark thoughts from suffocating your mind. It's doing anything to distract yourself from being alone with your thoughts at night. It's watching reruns of TV shows you hate because you just need to keep your mind from going to that dark place. It's constantly fighting to feel better. It's struggling every day, but putting on a brave face. It's sometimes not wanting to talk to people for a few days because it's just too hard right now. It's waking up feeling amazing and having the smallest thing ruin your mood. It's waking up feeling horribly and nothing being able to cheer you up.

It's fighting through on the hardest days because you know it has to get better. It's at least hoping it'll get better. It's doing one thing that scares you every day to try and overcome that fear. It's praying that these feelings will miraculously stop one day. It's trying to redirect your thoughts to more positive things. It's a continuous battle with the negative thoughts that always creep into your head. It's a constant, never ending struggle.

It's a mental disorder.

It's ugly and scary and unlike anything else.

It's anxiety.