I do not think anyone truly understands what someone with anxiety deals with on a daily basis. Anxiety is real; it is not something that can be pushed to the side or ignored. Almost everyone has anxiety at some point in their lifetime, whether it be starting a new job or school or even trying out for a sport. Anxiety can happen to anyone, but when it becomes more serious than a little bit every now and then, it can truly affect your life.
I have always known that I had anxiety. My family could tell when I was younger that I seemed to be sitting on the edge of my seat and constantly worrying about what was going to happen next. Over the years, it has become worse and has gotten to the point where it cannot be ignored anymore. I have tried to brush it off or make it disappear from my life, but I have never been successful. The smallest things will set me off, and the worst part about having major anxiety, is what goes on mentally.
Anxiety makes your mind think in the most negative way possible. Worse case scenario thoughts begin to swarm your brain and they do not seem to go away, no matter how hard you try. Your palms begin to sweat, heart begins to beat fast, tears swell up in your eyes, and you cannot think straight. Think about the first time you had an anxiety attack; how did it feel? Were you relieved when it was over? Well, put yourself in my shoes. This is what I deal with on a daily basis, and even sometimes more than once a day.
I used to be ashamed of myself because of this burden that I carry on my shoulders. My anxiety is not something that I am proud of or would wish upon anyone else, but it is something that I have to deal with every day of my life. It has been almost a year since I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, a disorder that most people have never heard of; however, it is real. I cannot even begin to describe to you the feeling that I had when I had a doctor look me in the eyes and tell me that there is something not mentally right.
The past few weeks have been difficult for me. After having a hard time moving away to school, I have chosen to transfer to a school closer to home that I know is a better fit for me; however, that makes my anxiety shoot through the roof. The thought of having to make new friends all over again and learn a new campus makes my mind wander and body shake. Thinking about being judged for how I look or not being able to keep up with the trimester pace is slowly getting to my head.
I did not write this for sympathy or to make anyone feel guilty. I wrote this for myself and for those out there who are dealing with the same burden every day. You are not alone. Anxiety is real, please don't think it isn't.
