As a young child, I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and I suffered severely from panic attacks. Diagnosing my symptoms was no easy task. This was because no doctor seemed to know what I meant when I said, “I feel like I am not getting enough air!” Trying to describe what was wrong was difficult, so I did the best I could. I went through months of EKG’s, blood work, and was on many medications. You name it, I had the test done and it was not fun. No doctor could figure out why I was having the symptoms that were not in plain sight or physical. I was on a first name basis with the doctor’s office. It was not until I described my symptoms to another doctor and he immediately said, “You are suffering from panic attacks.” I was happy that someone finally understood me and that I was not crazy or making this stuff up! I was sent to counseling and put on medication that was supposed to help me. Of course, being that I was about to start the sixth grade, I was embarrassed about what my friends may say if they knew I had to take a medication just to make it through my day. I remember times where I would pull on the collar of my shirt because my throat felt like someone was squeezing it so tight I could not breathe. I was scared to travel anywhere that was not close to my house because I feared I would end up in the hospital. I remember carrying around a brown paper bag with me because I was told that would help me breathe (I was not a fan of that paper bag). As I began to get into my teenage years and start high school, my panic attacks seemed to be less frequent. My anxiety became something I rarely worried about anymore.
However, starting college meant starting back with my anxiety. This time was different, I became more open about having anxiety. Everywhere I went it seemed that I heard someone talk about having a panic attack or having some sort of anxiety whether it be depression or something else. I now do not hide the fact that yes, I do in fact suffer from anxiety disorder. But, I am not my anxiety. I am someone who enjoys having a plan and by all means sticking to it! I enjoy knowing what is going to happen next because I am an organized person and plan my day accordingly. I am a person who enjoys being in control at all times. This sometimes is unsettling to my friends or others who may not understand my anxiety. I also enjoy going out with my friends and being out and about, but I also enjoy staying in my bedroom and not talking to anyone and that's okay! I am not my anxiety, I am a normal everyday college student and that is what I hang on to during my times with anxiety.
