While worrying is a naturally occurring human emotion that everyone experiences, there are many who suffer from different types of anxiety disorders — which is a difficult thing to go through for those with anxiety and their loved ones alike. Sometimes plans have to be changed or canceled, certain situations may have to be avoided, even the words”I love you” may be received with doubt.
So imagine being stuck in your own vortex of dark clouds and worry, and perhaps for no other particular reason than just living life, and you may begin to understand what it is like to be crippled by anxiety. Why should this matter to you? Because this is the most common mental illness in the United States, with about 18 percent of the adult population (ages 18 and up) or about 40 million Americans suffering from anxiety, odds are you probably know one or two. There are just some things we with anxiety need our loved ones to understand because we know we can be difficult to deal with, but we are trying to deal too. So if you love someone with anxiety, here is some insight you should know…
There is no easy off switch. Though perhaps this person may seem to be able to fall into a fit of anxiety or worry with ease, it is not so easy to pull yourself out. It takes much more than just to “Stop worrying about it” -which frankly that statement really does not help at all, it could actually make things worse because it feels like a dismissal or a minimizing of the person’s turmoil.
In the midst of a panic attack, nothing makes sense. A common result of suffering from anxiety also includes suffering from a panic attack, which is a frightening occurrence that, for some, is difficult to explain to those who have never had one. Most people experience a shortness of breath, some also experience shaking, tingling of the hands or feet, or goosebumps, and there is always a feeling of impending doom that others may seem as extremely irrational. But it is not intentional, and it is a force in it of itself. In times like these, distraction is key. In any bouts of anxiety, remind your loved one to breathe. After, find means in which to distract them. Watch a silly show or play some games, maybe go for a drive. These little things really can have a huge impact on a person when facing this vulnerability.
Yes, we may look fine, after all, we have all our limbs and woke up this morning alive and healthy so everything is fine right ? Why worry? But just because someone looks fine physically does not mean they are not fighting inner demons, and it is disheartening when you are having a bad, anxiety-ridden day and your loved ones dismiss it, or think you are looking for attention. Never accuse the victim of being the source of their pain.
Anxiety can come in waves. It is often not consistent, you can be fine for days, weeks, or months, but the anxiety can still ram into you like a freight train. It feels a lot like a sadistic game no one actually wants to play. But provide an understanding ear, be free of judgments, and show compassion to your loved one.
To our boyfriends and girlfriends. Loving us may be hard if you have never been with someone for anxiety, but there are some things you should know:
1. We appreciate you more than you may know.
2. We will probably say “I’m sorry” a lot.
3. Sometimes being trusting becomes difficult when our mind becomes filled with doubt, please do not take this personally.
There are still plenty of good days. Yes, there may be some really bad days too, the I-can’t-make-it-out-of-bed kind of days, but you must have your reasons for loving this person, so you put up with the bad days, the tears, the occasional yelling, and all because there is still much happiness to be found.
Do not define us by our mental illness. Yes, maybe sometimes you will have to watch what you say, but do not feel the need to walk on eggshells around us. Do not perceive us as weak or pathetic, though we may call ourselves just that. But in truth you have to be strong to overcome the demons that are created in your own head, sometimes we may just need a little reminder.
