" Anxiety is not an excuse. What makes you so much better than everyone else?"
Oh believe me, I do not want to be better than everyone else. I don't even want to be different. I mean, I want to be different, but not this kind of different. This kind of different is the bad kind of different that makes people look at you funny and family members afraid to talk to you because they think that they'll trigger a panic attack. I don't want anxiety to be an excuse for me because it shouldn't, but sometimes it is as valid an excuse as having the stomach bug. Sometimes, I can't leave my bed because I'm dreading the day ahead of me, even though there is nothing apparent to dread.
This is the curse...thinking the worst when there is no bad to be seen. Thinking that if you go out with your friends, they will leave you behind, so you just shouldn't go out at all. Having to double check and triple check that you're phone is completely charged because what if something happens when you're out and it's not. Thinking that your boyfriend hasn't texted you back in 5 minutes because you've done something to piss him off, even though he was really just in the shower. Thinking that you are nothing, absolutely nothing, even though you have so many people around you who love you and support you no matter what. Trying to make all the noise and self-doubt and fear stop in your head, EVEN THOUGH IT NEVER EVER STOPS. This is the curse. This is anxiety, but WAIT, anxiety isn't an excuse right??
Mental illness is real people...just because you can't see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Someone's mind can be as broken as a limb, but you might never notice because they hide it behind facades of "I'm fine"'s and "I'm just tired"'s. Anxiety should not be an excuse, just like milking a stomach ache for a week should not be an excuse either, but it should at least be recognized for what it is: a real physiological disease that affects approximately 18.1% of the the adult American population.
"Anxiety is not an excuse." Yea you're right, it's not an excuse; it's a real fucking thing that plagues its victims with constant worry and sadness.
"Don't be anxious."
Oh man that is so helpful, am I right? I mean, if I could make it stop in my head, don't ya think I would have by now??
