I've suffered from it for as long as I can remember. It started out as little things: worrying about if there would be enough seats in the movie theater for everyone, or thinking my phone was going to die while I was out and I'd have no way to reach my mom. My anxiety was totally manageable up until I had major things to panic about, aka high school.
Throughout high school, if you were to look at me you wouldn't think there was an endless stream of thoughts running through my head. I was a four-year varsity cheerleader and I had so many friends. It's hard as an outsider to acknowledge just how much pressure is put on high schoolers nowadays, and I know that had something to do with an increase in my anxiety. I had practice almost every day on top of an immense amount of homework along with games and pep rallies every weekend. My life was pretty much go, go, go, and my mental health, unfortunately, took a steep turn.
There would be times when I would try to explain how I felt to my friends and they would try and compromise with me saying things like, "I get really stressed out too," or, "I have so much homework to do." But my anxiety went much farther than school work that needed to be completed and my friends just didn't see that. I would be up at night after an extremely long day, trying to find the most comfortable position to sleep because my chest hurt so badly from the anxiety inside me. I was medicated for Generalized Anxiety Disorder when I was 16.
The medication ran its course and I was feeling a little bit better. My mom could visibly see the results of the medication in me, but I didn't think that was possible. I knew that I was suffering, but it made me feel so down on myself for having this get so bad that I had to take a prescribed pill in order to feel better. I felt like that was my turning point and I knew I had to naturally let this go. I began to distract myself in things like exercising and reading and my life has completely turned around.
There is no denying how difficult it is to tell certain things to people with anxiety and my family has seen that first hand. The phrases, "Worry about it later, or, "Just wait and see" don't necessarily fly with someone as anxious as I am. But today, when I worry about things I can't control, I subside myself in healthy alternatives and talk myself through the pain. It is so crazy to think of how much I went through with my anxiety and how far I've come from those days. I no longer feel overwhelmed with my disorder or absorbed in my anxiety and that is the best feeling I could ever have.
