When I first went off to college, I felt an overwhelming sense of excitement. I was starting the next chapter of my life and I could not wait to get out there and enjoy every second of it. A cloud of darkness soon came over me when my grandpa, who I adored, passed away suddenly. I had never felt a pain like that before. I missed a week of school and one professor in particular didn’t seem to give a damn. Long story short, I struggled and ended up getting a D in the course. I was so upset and angry that I had to begin my college career on such a bad note. Spring semester rolled around and I took six classes and finished with a 3.5 GPA.
In the fall, I transferred to UNCW and I felt like I was on top of the world. But not even a month into classes, I started to feel lost again. I didn’t feel like hanging out with anyone and I wasn’t sure where I fit in. I was sad a lot of the time and slept a lot. I had chosen to take business classes because I thought that was what I wanted to do. It wasn’t, but for the next year I took classes that I needed to get accepted into the business school. I went to the doctor and told her that I felt stressed most of the time and I was always worrying about things. I was not majorly depressed, but she prescribed me Prozac. The medicine started to help slowly and I felt better after a few months.
At the end of sophomore year, I had a mental breakdown. I told my parents that I wanted to move home and that was my decision. They asked if I was sure, and I said yes. I medically withdrew from my two summer classes and went to stay at my parents’ house for two months. The fall semester was about to start and I felt like I would regret not going back to UNCW. I signed up for classes and I was ready for school. At this point, I was not taking any business classes, just basic studies so that I could figure out what I wanted to do. In the spring of 2015, I changed my major to communications and stopped taking Prozac. Ever since then, I have been genuinely happy. I don’t worry about every single thing. I don’t cry all the time. I don’t sleep just to get away from the world. I don’t do all of the mentally unhealthy things I was doing in the years before.
According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, one in four college students have a diagnosable illness, 40 percent do not seek help, 80 percent feel overwhelmed by their responsibilities, and 50 percent have been so anxious they struggled in school. Granted I had other things going on in my life that hindered my well being, but school was definitely a major factor.
I want everyone that is struggling to know if you need to talk to someone about your anxiety or depression that you should never be embarrassed. These feelings are not always constant. Sometimes you feel better for a few weeks or months, then all of the sudden it comes back and you are stuck again. This happens to more people than you think and the last thing you should feel is ashamed. Reach out to a loved one and tell them how you are feeling. If medicine is the route you want to take to help yourself, then take it. If it’s therapy, do that. If it’s an activity or hobby like yoga, then by all means go for it. If it's cutting someone out of your life that is causing these feelings, cut them out.
When it comes to your mental and emotional well being, you cannot be too selfish. I thought I would always feel depressed and anxious and that it was something I was just going to have to live with. I was wrong. You can come out of the darkness. It takes time and it isn’t easy, but you can do it.
