Having a mental illness isn't something to be ashamed of, but it shouldn't be romanticized either. Every day is a struggle living with anxiety. I use to be ashamed to tell people about my anxiety, I didn't want anyone to know about. Now I feel I should share my anxiety story because what if someone is feeling the same way and they're afraid to tell someone or they feel alone?

I was officially diagnosed with anxiety and panic attacks in my junior year of high school at 16-years-old. I would mostly get panic attacks before leaving the house to hang out with friends, I would shake, it would get hard to breathe, and if I ate I would throw up. It got to the point where I wouldn't eat about an hour before I left the house and I would still end up dry-heaving. I also happened to lose 25 pounds because of my anxiety, I was still eating the same amount but I was so nervous all the time I dropped from 125 pounds to 100 pounds. All of this was so terrifying. I realized I needed to get some kind of help in December of 2014 when I had a party at my house and I got so much anxiety that I started crying and at this point in time I hadn't cried in over a year. In February of 2015 I started seeing a therapist. After months of therapy, we came to the conclusion that I needed to see a APRN and get medication. In April of 2015 I started to take Prozac every morning to help even out of the serotonin in my brain that upped my anxiety. Overtime the medication dose would increase as my brain got use to the dose I was taking and stopped working as well, so I started at a very low level dose, so low that I was taking liquid medication because the pills weren't dosed that small. At the beginning of my senior year I also started Ativan for when I was in school or in a situation where I couldn't help myself to prevent the anxiety attack.

Since my diagnosis my anxiety has gotten so much better. It has taken so long to get myself to this point where anxiety doesn't completely control my life. I still have bad days, even bad weeks, but it isn't nearly as bad as it had been. But, with an amazing support system of friends and family I have learned that my anxiety doesn't have to control me, and it certainly isn't something to be ashamed of. It's a huge part of me, and probably always has been. We believe my anxiety started as a child from the fact I was shy and didn't want to talk I much preferred to use action to show people what I wanted. I also saw a school counselor in elementary because I was having trouble around kids in my grade but we weren't sure why. I also have always felt sick and just thought I had a bad immune system but later I realize I probably didn't feel good at school because I was around so many people. Now that I know this it makes so much sense to me. So anxiety is a part of me and I shouldn't be ashamed of it, but it shouldn't be romanticized because it is a horrible feeling and no one should have to live with anxiety, no matter what the level.