Anxiety is a small word with a big meaning. I have struggled with anxiety since early high school and did not realize how much of an impact it was on my life. Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the United States. Approximately 40 million Americans over the age of 18 are affected by anxiety, roughly 18 percent of the nation's population. Although no one really knows what anxiety stems from, anxiety disorders may be caused by problems in the functioning of brain circuits that regulate fear and other emotions.
These past couple weeks my anxiety has been so out of control, so bad that I don't know what to do with myself. I feel so lost in myself, like this anxiety is beating me in every possible way. My palms start to sweat, my heart is racing, the thoughts in my mind are going 400 mph. I begin to rethink all the decisions I made that day and the day before. It all runs through my mind in a matter of seconds. My heartbeat quickens even more and my breath shortens. My chest starts to feel like there's an elephant sitting on it, unable to breathe. That's what my anxiety attacks feel like. They can last a couple hours, or they can last a couple days, it is so emotionally and physically draining. Some days I can hold back the tears, other days I cry until I am all out of tears. I begin to push everyone away my boyfriend, my parents, my sister, anyone and everyone I feel the need to have them as far from me as possible.
Anxiety is a dangerous thing, it makes you question yourself, as well as the people you are supposed to hold near and dear to your heart. Every detail is noticed, whether you realized you did it or not. From the way you text, from the way you interact in person, it all gets analyzed. Your brain is your own worst enemy in the terms of anxiety, it tricks you and makes you second guess everything you do. It makes you check, double check, and triple check everything. Sometimes, love and attention is necessary, but other times it's not. There are times where it takes a big event to set it off, while other times it can be something extremely small.
Patience is key.
If you ever wonder how to help someone with their anxiety when it feels like they're slipping away, just be patient. We come around eventually. Understand that there sometimes are not enough words to describe how we are feeling. That what we need during one anxiety attack may not be the same as the next. Saying things like, "It'll be okay," "Get your mind off of it," and "Don't worry about it, I am here for you" are not helpful, at least not to me. If I could stop myself from worrying I would.
Anxiety is a part of me. Some may say that means I've let it defeat me, but I say that's me acknowledging my struggle, and working to overcome it. Each day I find a new way to cope with this and each day I learn a little bit. But at the end of the day, anxiety is a real thing that lots of people struggle with. It doesn't make these people any less of a person or any less capable, it just means that sometimes we need a little extra patience.
