Since writing my first article about being becoming more body positive, I did try my hardest. I was always trying to replace criticisms with kind, loving and grateful praise for the body that gets me through the day. And I know it's not perfect. That what I thought being body positive was. Seeing your "flaws" and changing the mindset to see them as something to be loved. I saw this movement as just a shift in mindset. And while most of it is, what we don't realize sometimes is that changing your mindset is not enough.
Like I've mentioned, being plus size and finding clothes that fit is hard. But I've come to realize that the jeans that I loved so much (that fit me) weren't fitting me right. It took going to an actual store that catered to plus size women and trying on pants to see the difference. But I didn't buy the size that fit me best. Mostly because I bought these jeans to fit another layer underneath comfortably for my trip to Chicago. Which is another story for another day.
But my mom while having the best intentions suggested that I wear these jeans to get used to them being bigger. Now when I saw these pants are bigger, I mean they are at least a size too big. They fall slightly and they look incredibly baggy to me. But that could just be because I'm used to wearing skinny jeans.
Anyway, I talked to my mom about how little comments about health and weight aren't what I need to hear right now. Referencing times where I actually lost weight or other things that could be important to me as motivation were actually doing the opposite for me. They actually hurt me more than motivated me to lose weight. It was actually becoming easier for me to target all the things I find wrong with my body. Then when I looked back, these comments were not far and few. And I'm not trying to make my mom or anyone else that has said something to be about my weight feel bad, I wanted to make a point.
This need to look a certain way because it's acceptable for society is a harmful thing. I never would have thought that I would be facing these struggles of body image. College just brought them to the forefront. The comments I heard weren't the greatest for my confidence or my self esteem and probably led to some of this struggle. But another part of it is my own doing. I let myself buy clothing that didn't fit properly. And now I think one of the greatest self hate crime is buying clothing that is uncomfortable or ill fitting. And while now I have other clothes that don't ft to great, I promise myself that I won't be doing it again. Self love and being body positive isn't just about accepting your body and the body of others. But it's also loving your body by the way you clothe it, fuel it and what you do with it.
So I want to make another pact to be body positive. Because I think we all deserve to be nicer to ourselves.
