Dear Stranger Who Keeps Staring,
Hello there. I noticed you staring at my family, and especially at me oddly. Did I have something in my teeth? Pen on my face? Something in my hair? Did one of my family members have their fly down? No?
Oh, you were staring because I’m Chinese and the rest of my family is not? Let me tell you, you’re not the first to look; probably not the first to wonder if I am just a friend of one of those other girls I’m with, on their family vacation, running their mother’s errands with them, or on their family outing.
I am in fact their sister, their daughter, and their family member who has the same last name as they do.
When I was old enough to realize that I looked different than the rest of my family, I started noticing others staring with a confused look at me, wondering what I was to the people I was with. And you are those people staring. The questions I get and the assumptions I hear from others are always interesting, even humorous from time to time, but I have one question for you…
Why do you think of everything BUT the fact that I could be a part of their family?
What about adoption? Because I am adopted. I have to be a friend first, or a cousin, a neighbor, or even a foreign exchange student, not an immediate family member based on my skin color and eye shape. Or maybe you assume everything BUT adoption because to assume that would be typically rude? How so? I am proud of where I am from and how I got here, how I became a part of this family.
My aunt is adopted, and no one has assumed she did not “belong” in her family, at least to my knowledge. Why? Maybe because she doesn’t look so drastically different from her family members than I do?
I am Leah Yu O’Bryan. I’m Chinese American and was adopted at 6 months old from Jianjxi, China. I am 100% Chinese and wear a last name that is 100% Irish.
The questions I get asked are forever interesting. Do I speak Chinese? No, I do not. Why don’t you look like your parents? I’m adopted. Why don’t your sisters look like you? I’m adopted. Are you sisters adopted? No, they are not. Do you know your biological mother? No, but I wish I did. Are you sure you’re Chinese? Yes, I never doubted it.
For those who always ask my sisters if I’m their friend, I am their best friend but I am their little sister FIRST. That never gets old. For those who ask if my mom married an Asian man, she did not. For those who wonder if my dad married an Asian woman, he did not. For those who think I am a foreign exchange student, I am definitely not.
I grew up here, and honestly am more “white” than I am Asian. I’ve been a proud American Citizen. I speak English and zero Chinese. Sure, I have a pug at home, but I did not get one because they originated in China. I love Chinese food just as much as the next person, but it is not because I am Chinese (plus the Chinese food we eat in America is nothing like the authentic Chinese food in China). I love the movie Mulan, maybe because I felt I looked like her the most, but I love Ariel just as much because pretending to be a mermaid is magical for a little girl.
Basically, I am trying to tell you: don’t just assume I am just a friend, just a foreign exchange student. Don’t even assume that I am adopted. Take me for who and what I am.
I do not walk around this world and assume every person that does not look like the family or other people they are with is just a friend, is adopted, or is a foreign exchange student. Everyone is everyone coexisting with one another.
Leave it be, or do me a favor and don’t stare me down like an animal in a zoo with black and white stripes, grazing with a different herd of animals with spots.
And if you do, so be it, but just think about why you’re looking in my direction in the first place and ask yourself if what you’re thinking is legitimate.
When I say, “Hello, I am Leah Yu O’Bryan,” don’t be thrown off by my Chinese middle name and my Irish last name. Don’t be shocked. Why do you assume every Asian has to have the last name Wong, Nguyen, or Lee? Don’t.
I am Leah Yu O’Bryan, adopted, not just a friend. I speak English and what ever Spanish I was able to retain from my three years as an honors student. I do not know my biological parents and see myself just like anyone else.
My sisters are white, but because we do not look alike does not make me any less their sister. My parent’s are white, but just because they did not create me does not make me any less their daughter.
Next time you stare at me funny, and I know you will because this has been going on since I was a little girl, don’t just assume I am a friend or anything else.
Think what you want, because that does not offend me. You can ask if I am adopted because it makes it less awkward to say I am these two white girls sister and less awkward to say I am this white couples daughter (for some unintelligent people will be dumbfounded at how that product came to be).
I am adopted and I am proud. So stare all you want, form questions, and make assumptions. I’m glad my family and I can entertain your curiosity.
Love, That Asian girl with the White Family
