I was with my very first "boyfriend" in the fourth grade. He was the tallest kid in elementary school and I swear every time I saw him my heart literally skipped a beat. He held my hand under the lunch table every day, and always picked me for heads up seven up, so I obviously thought we were pretty serious. I missed school one time, and when I came back he had another girlfriend. Fast-forward to today and I can’t say my luck in the relationship department has changed much. You name it, I’ve encountered it.
- The guy with commitment issues.
- The guy who suffocated me to the point of having commitment issues.
- The guy who I realized was better off as my friend.
- The guy who I realized I couldn’t stand to even have as a friend much less as a boyfriend.
- The guy who was in the right place at the wrong time. (Physically, not mentally.)
- The guy who no matter what time in my life it was, would never be in the right place. (Mentally, not physically.)
I have been through eight full years of heartbreak, and through it all, I’ve found that one man has never given up on me. No matter what the situation, I have never felt abandoned or alone. Whether it was me being cheated on (with my best friend, but that story is for another time), or feeling convicted because I had cheated (I make mistakes too), there has always been one specific person I knew I could turn to for comfort. No matter how disappointed I felt about the outcome of any situation, I never felt like I had lost something that wasn’t meant to be lost.
Don't get me wrong, I’m not saying I smile when I’m stuck in the metaphorical rainstorm that is a break-up, but once I’m done crying I grab an even more metaphorical umbrella and suck it up and wait on my rainbow, because he taught me to do so. When I felt like I was unlovable, he loved me with no hesitation, when I felt like what I had done was unforgivable, he forgave me with no doubt, and when I turned my back on him, he waited for my return with no anxiety. When my heart had been undeniably broken, somehow he fixed it, making it even tougher than before. When promises made to me were unfulfilled, he always kept his word and never let me down. When it seemed everyone had given up on me, or considered me a burden, he was constantly giving me all of his support, and making me a priority.
After every conversation with him, even if not much was said on his part, I was able to appreciate all that I had taken from the experience far more than I could dwell on what I felt it had taken from me. So to you, God, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for never leaving me empty handed. Thank you for always reminding me of what I deserve. Thank you for never denying me a second, third, or fourth chance. Thank you for not only leading me to it, but all the way through it. And most importantly, thank you for never giving up on me. You are so deserving of all my love.
