An Open Letter To The Guy I Fell For More Than Once

This is going to sound crazy because we were so young, but it was all so real.

Dear "You Know Who,"

I was in middle school when I learned who you were. You were the first boy I ever truly loved and I fell for you so fast. It was like a movie, a summer romance — but it wasn’t as easy. Since neither of us could drive yet and I was on vacation, we never got the chance to actually meet. I knew that it sounded crazy, but I didn’t care. We would be in constant communication, and not talking to you for a few hours drove me crazy. The day of that JV football game ruined me, or so I thought. That was the first time I experienced such heartbreak. I had moved on, and didn’t want to remember what happened in the past.

The next time I saw you was brief and painful. All the emotions from the past flooded my body and I couldn’t handle it. You re-hurt me just by the eye contact we made through that crowded movie theater. After that, we didn’t speak. I got rid of you on all social media, but I couldn’t bring myself to delete your number. You were the first boy I loved and that was something I couldn’t hide from.

After no communication for about three years, you messaged me apologizing for the way you acted. It was my senior year. You showed up to my high school when your school’s football team was the opposing team. You said you immediately saw me while I was cheering on the sidelines, and when we made eye contact from across the way there was still a spark. After the game, you met my friends and we went to dinner. Following that, we stayed in the parking lot of my school and talked for hours. It was like fate, and the next thing I knew, I was your girlfriend.

I was so happy that we could finally make things work, but things changed fast. You were different. You talked down to me. Play fighting became real arguments and hurtful words. I was not having it, so I broke up with you. You freaked out and became cold, and said things to me “you regret.” Months later we met again, and I was willing to give you yet another chance. We went to dinner and talked, but the next day I discovered you had asked another girl to be your girlfriend. You hadn’t changed from that time at that JV football game. You were still trying to be slick and go behind my back. You used me to get attention, because that’s all you ever truly wanted.

Since I’ve been in college I’ve seen you once. We met and went to dinner, because you said you had changed. I didn’t fall for it this time. I could tell that you were still the same kind of guy you were in high school -- immature and only wanting attention and not caring how many people you had to use to get it. But I hope you're happy. I really do. Even though you hurt me so much throughout the time I’ve known you, I want you to find someone to give you the attention and kind of love you want. I once told you that I’d always come back to you, but I’ve grown up and realized that’s not what I want. You will always be the first boy I fell in love with, but you will also always be the first boy to break my heart. I’m not mad, sad, or upset about it anymore, and because of that, I’ve grown as a person. You have made me realize what I truly want, so thank you. Thanks for the highs, the lows, and everything in between.