To the friends who sat by my side during the worst night of my entire life (and the ones who stuck by me),

I'm going to preface this by saying that the following letter cannot possibly encompass everything I wish I could say. There are only so many words in the English language at my disposal, and only a few can even begin to convey my gratitude.

I figured I would try, anyways.

I remember that day clearly — in fact, too clearly for my liking. It had been a particularly good day for me at school compared to the others I had been experiencing. I was excited for the Music Department's annual Music In Our Schools Month (MIOSM) concert that night. I felt like nothing could stop me that day.

And then something got in my way.

We messed up during the first movement of Mozart's Requiem in D minor. As a performer, there's so much pressure to nail every note, every rhythm and every moment of your performance. There's more at stake when you're performing such an important piece of classical literature. Mozart's greatness aside, we messed up. I spent the rest of the performance with my hands balled into fists to try to release some of the anxiety I was feeling. I spent the rest of the performance covering up a budding anxiety attack.

Thank you to the friend who let me take them aside backstage after the concert was over. You cracked the door leading outside open so that I could literally get a breath of fresh air. Thank you for attempting to take me for a walk. Thank you for sitting with me on the floor as I screamed bloody murder.

Thank you to the friends who recognized what was happening and rubbed my shoulders. Anxiety is physically debilitating, and my shoulders, hands and back always suffer the most.

Thank you to the friends who knew which friends to grab to help me.

Thank you to the friends who grabbed their mom, a pediatrician, to help calm me down.

Thank you to the friends who helped me regain feeling in my hands. Big panic attacks like that often leave me with no feeling in my hands. My fingers were so tense that they curled into the palms of my hands crookedly and tightly, but you helped me move them back into place.

Thank you to the teacher who sat by me and knew that this feeling just needed to pass; you knew because you've felt this feeling before. Also, thanks for letting me sleep in your office during class. Anxiety knows how to tire you out, both mentally and physically.

Thank you to the friends who sat with me but didn't say a word. You sat with me in solidarity.

Thank you to the friends who checked in on me the next day, even though you didn't have to.

Thank you to the friends who stuck by me, even after seeing me like that. (For anyone who has never witnessed a panic attack, it is incredibly scary to watch, but even scarier to experience).

Thank you to the friends who let me vent about the horrible flashbacks and understand how often I relive the worst night of my life.

The one year anniversary of the worst night of my life is March 31, but because of friends like you, I know that I can get through that day.

Thank you,

Your Incredibly Grateful and Appreciative Friend