An Open Letter To The "Dad" That Never Wanted Me

An Open Letter To The "Dad" That Never Wanted Me

You meant nothing to me in my past, and you will mean nothing to me in my future.

Dear biological father,

First things first; I hate you. I hate the way you treated my mom, I hate that I share your DNA, I hate that I always seemed to see you everywhere, and most of all, I hate the way you made me feel about myself. I hate you so much for making me feel unwanted for so long.

I could never understand why you did not want me. My mom would say that it was because you hated her so much, but what kind of father gives up their kid because they didn't like the other parent? My mom would tell me that to make me feel better, but it only made me angrier. A real parent, someone who loved their child unconditionally, would have fought tooth and nail to have their child in their life. I guess I shouldn't be that surprised considering you didn't even believe I was your child.

To this day I still can't figure out why I get so upset that you did not want me. I have a loving father who would do anything for me, I have a mother who loves me unconditionally, I have two sisters whom I love more than anything and who I know I can count on when I need them. I have a brother who would drive me crazy when we were younger, but I knew he had my back no matter what. I have two amazing nieces and the best nephew in the whole world; I have everything. Why does the thought of you not wanting me bother me so badly?

Don't mistake this letter as an invitation to come back into my life, not that I think you would even try. This letter is my closure. If you do read this, I want you to know; I do not need you. You left me and every day I am so thankful that you did, because if you hadn't, I would not have the most amazing and caring Dad that I have now. He is the only father I need and will ever want. We may have had our ups and downs while I was growing up, but no matter what, he was there for me. My dad was able to do something you were never able to do, step up and be a Father.

I don't know if you knew it was me or what, but you used to come into where I worked all the time. Every time you set foot in that spaghetti house, I had to try so hard to keep my mouth shut and not lash out at you. Every time you came in, I had to fight myself not to ask you if you had any idea who I was. Every time you came in, I had to speak to you like I had no idea who you were. Every time you came in, it made me hate you so much more.

Even though I get upset when I think about how you didn't want me, I still will never need you in my life. You meant nothing to me in my past and you will mean nothing to me in my future. It's obvious that I have a very successful life without you in it. I am in college and I have a good job, and I have my family behind me no matter what. I grew up knowing that my biological father never wanted me, but I got so lucky in the end because I grew up with a man who is so much better at being a dad than you would've ever been.

Somehow I hope this letter makes it's way to you, so you can finally feel how you used to make me feel: unwanted.


The girl who finally got the courage to tell you she never needed you.

Cover Image Credit: Carlie Schofield

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Thank you for always being the best.

1. Being there through it all, even if you're not "physically" there

We can't always be together, but you have never completely "left" me behind and have been there with me through thick and thin and I am so grateful.

2. Being my biggest cheerleader

Thank you for not only being there through the bad, but also celebrating my victories with me. I can always look forward to telling you good news because I know you'll be happy right along with me.

3. Answering my "important" phone calls

Whether it's a "he texted me back!!!" phone call, or an "I found a gray hair, please help!!" phone call, you pick up the phone and hype up with me no matter what.

4. Being selfless, and going above & beyond to make sure I know I'm worthy

This explains itself and I am so grateful for that.

5. Brushing my hair when I don't feel like it

Okay, this probably sounds silly... But it's the greatest struggle to brush my hair and I'm glad you do it for me sometimes!

6. For being there through all of my mini-crises

You already know what I'm talking about here...

7. For talking me out of things

If it wasn't for you talking me out of things, I'd probably have quit my job, be dating a horrible guy, got my eyebrow pierced, etc.

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Cover Image Credit: Personal Photo

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Be True To Yourself And Stay Real With Those Around You

You're not being rude, hopefully.


It is important to not be fake or easily swayed by others' opinions. Being true to yourself and having a set of values that people acknowledge as respectable can get you far. Doing the right thing and being reasonable allow you to keep it real. Keeping it real is constantly seeking the truth. However, there is a fine line between being real and being rude.

If you say you're "just being honest" and following that with a rude comment, you're not being real. You can't tear down the people around you just because you're trying to be real with everyone. Being real with the people around you means being respectful. Think about others before you think about yourself. Think about what you're going to say before you say it. Also, think about how you're going to say it.

Tone plays a critical role in keeping it real versus being rude. There are many ways to phrase a statement, and many meanings can come from one statement. By putting emphasis on a different word each time you repeat the statement, it can drastically change the tone. Tone is the intonation of the voice as expressive of some meaning or feeling. If you are aware of your tone, it can stop you from being perceived as rude. It is important to be heard and say what you need to say, but it is also important not to hurt those you care enough about.

Intent also plays a role in being real versus being rude. It is obvious when my mother is telling me something with her best interest at heart. It is obvious when a guy in my elective is telling me something with malicious intent. The fine line between being real and being rude is the intent. The purpose of the phrase coming out of the other person's mouth has a profound effect. Once you learn how to tell the difference between the two, you will have an easier time in life. Make sure to think before you speak. Analyze whether what you're about to say will benefit the person and take into consideration why you are even phrasing a statement. There is a real reason for everything you have to say, and there are also real consequences for what you say.

Context is also important when it comes to maintaining the conversation. Conversations are situational and it is important to only say what is relevant. In order to keep it real and not be rude, you have to dissociate from other outside conversations. You have to know that comments taken out of context can be hurtful and used against you. The circumstances are different for each person involved, so it is in your best interest to keep it real.

It's definitely easier said than done. However, taking context, intent, and tone into consideration will stop you from being perceived as rude. Everyone wants to keep it real, but not everyone is capable of staying within the threshold. This line between being real and being rude has consequences, when the line is crossed. Keeping it real is truly an admirable quality to have.

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