Hey you,

To be honest, I probably haven't crossed your mind in a while so let me refresh your memory: I am the girl you used to tell everything to, the girl who attempted to help you put your life together, and yes, I am the girl whose heart you broke. And yes, friends can break you heart too. But through all of this, I can honestly admit one thing: I don't hate you and honestly, I am grateful for everything that happened between us.

In just one week you became my best friend. I remember the first moment I saw you like it was just yesterday. You were tall, blonde, blue-eyed, and you had this contagious sense of humor that I began quickly to admire. What really made me attracted to you was your heart. We lived three hours away from each other but you still managed to make time to video call me at least once a week. You were a genuine person inside and out despite your (sometimes) asshole sarcastic comments. Once you moved to the city for college we began hanging out all the time. We were inseparable. You were my constant go to for everything and just know I will always appreciate that. Before you, I had no idea what real friendship was and for once in my life it felt good to always have someone by my side. I also really enjoyed the weekends you would come stay with me and we would just hang out and cook smores all day. I miss that so much. The coolest part about being your friend was watching you transition from high school to college. In high school, you cared so much about what people thought of you and you hated them for it. But going into college you changed your fate and rushed into a fraternity and found that brotherhood and acceptance you were searching for, you just didn't know it at the time.

Besides having your friendship, you helped me to create many other friendships as well. You introduced me to your cousin Taylor, who is now one of my best friends, your fraternity brothers, and all of their girlfriends. You convinced me you cared about me which is why it was so hard for me to let you go. We were best friends. That's all we were. Just friends. However, our "best friends" title is all we were ever going to be and I had to accept that and live with it. But in reality, we both knew it was more than that, yet we still denied it. Everyone around us knew it too but we spent more time trying to convince them we were just friends rather than us sitting down and talking about it. The hardest part of being your friend was always helping you out with relationship advice in the hopes someday you would use it for me.

Thank you for giving me a reason to get my life together. I've always believed that everything happens for a reason and what I've learned in recent months is that the absolute best part about hitting rock bottom is getting to climb back up to the top and become even stronger along the way. Since you've exited my life I have literally worked my ass off improving myself and becoming way more confident in myself than I ever imagined possible. It was the hurt that I went through that I needed to make these major changes.

Thank you for the memories. I honestly think I'll remember every single moment I spent with you because there was never a dull second. Thank you for letting me open up to you and for opening up to me. For the times you would sit in my car with me and let me rant while not saying a word until I finished to the time we decided to go on a road trip and stay in a hotel in Dallas for the OU/Texas game. Thank you for all the laughs. That was my favorite thing about us, laughing. You could make me laugh for hours without even trying over the most stupid things and you could make me laugh until I cried like nobody else could. It meant a lot to me at the time.

Thank you for deciding to walk out of my life. It was the one thing you told me you would never do, but when things got busy in your own life, you told me to "Just do you and quit worrying about me." We were friends exactly one year but in that one year, we both became completely different people. You changed so much after joining the fraternity and you became someone I didn't recognize half the time anymore. It was the little things I noticed to change first: your confidence, your walk, your smile. Then it became us. Our friendship began changing. You were embarrassed to be seen with me though you denied it when I would ask. Your fraternity brothers pressured you into doing things you would never do and become a person you would hate if you were back in high school. From February to June we didn't speak and it was probably the single hardest thing I had ever been through. I had to wake up every day knowing I still had feelings for you and that you hated me for no reason. In June I finally told you how I felt and I am glad I did. I no longer had to wake up feeling that weight on my chest. I was finally okay with how we left things after so long. We ended things on decent terms, but recently after another six months of not talking, you sent me a video in the middle of the night with all of my ex-friends from high school (drunk) telling me how much you hated me. Thank you for that. It was what finalized things for me and it proved to me that you no longer could cause me pain. Every single thing you did to me completely crushed me at the time, but I am so much stronger because of it.

Thank you for reminding me to always choose myself. I often think back to the days in September and October when my life literally revolved around thoughts of you. I would classify "a good day" as a day you tagging me in something funny on twitter or us making plans to hangout for the week. As we were growing apart I would always be at the other end trying to pick up the pieces for you while playing a role that was no longer mine (and never really was to begin with). When it all finally reached a boiling point and ended, I learned the very important lesson to never put the happiness of someone else ahead of my own.

So as you can see, Herms, I could never really hate you when you have changed me in more ways than one. I am not the same girl who would drive 45 minutes multiple times a week to spend time with you, nor am I the girl who was completely broken by that Snapchat and everything in the months prior. I am the girl who is a work in progress. I am the girl who still thinks about you constantly and hopes you succeed in life and get all the happiness in the world.

I know we haven't spoken in quite awhile but I hope you are doing well. I hope you are happy, and most importantly that you are remembering who you are and where you came from. You owe that to the person I used to know, the real you. I also hope you find someone that makes you so happy and know that it took me some time, but I too found my own happiness. So once again, thank you for everything.

xoxo,

Abbs (Herms)