Content Warning: There will be some mentions of sexual assault and rape.

Dear High School Sex Ed Teacher,

There are many moments in my life when I think about what I learned in your class. I’m aware of so much, but not what you think. Because of your class, I learned that I am supposed to keep myself “pure” so that I can give the best gift to my future husband on our wedding night. And if I don’t, then I’ve ruined this gift for my future husband or I’m a slut.

I learned that I was supposed to be with a man. There was no mention of lesbian, gay, or bisexual people in your lessons. I know that putting on condoms can prevent pregnancy and some STDs when having sex with men, but I never learned how to protect myself when having sex with women.

I learned that I need to say “no” in a serious tone that men would understand, but I didn’t hear much discussion about how men should listen to that “no.” I needed to yell it in order for men to understand. The men were never told to take a “no” without yelling.

Now there are some serious problems with the lessons you have taught me.

I’m supposed to keep myself “pure” and wait until our wedding night. For some of us in the LGBT community, we didn’t have marriage to wait for because we didn’t have the legal right to get married to the partner we desired yet. Most of us didn’t even have marriage in our sights because it seemed like something that would never come. Why would we wait for something we cannot obtain?

Also, telling people that they should keep themselves “pure” until marriage and that if they don’t, they are ruined perpetuates the idea that anyone who has had sex before marriage is a slut and should be considered less than. This idea is shown through visuals and videos such as the Go A.P.E. video you showed us of a woman giving her husband dirty shoes on their wedding night, symbolizing her non-virginity, and her husband freaking out because the whole football team has worn those shoes. This tells me that I should wait because my virginity is something I should give to my husband because I should always think about my husband and his needs before my own. Because if I don’t, I’d be considered a slut and worthless. Because if I don’t, I’m a stinky shoe that will not be desired by anyone else.

This does have an effect on women in general, but what about those who have been raped or sexually assaulted? Those who have had their “virginities” taken away from them without their consent? You’re telling them that they are pieces of trash because of something that was against their will and out of their control. You’re telling them this and you’re telling other people that those who have been raped or sexually assaulted that they are sluts and that they are worthless. You’re perpetuating the idea that people who are raped or sexually assaulted were either “asking for it” or “deserved it.”

There were no LGBT lessons in your plan. None. Nada. All we learned about was how sex can affect heterosexual couples or how sex can cause pregnancy. But there was nothing for the LGBT people in the class at all. Now, what does this say to all the heterosexual people in the classroom? That all the other sexualities don’t matter and that there is no such thing. Not only are you forgetting about the LGBT population in our community, but you are also telling people that it doesn’t matter.

I need to say “no” in a serious tone. I know how to say “no.” I know that I need to say “no” if I don’t want to have sex. But, for some people, that doesn’t stop them. How about instead of telling us how to say “no,” you should teach others how to hear it and take “no” for an answer. Learning how to say “no” is not going to stop rape or sexual assault. Teaching people how to listen to that “no” would be better.

You have no idea how this has affected so many people. I have heard so many tragic stories and, frankly, the effects of a terrible sex education like yours and others needs to end. In the future, if you do decide to change your lesson plans, take into consideration how the abstinence rhetoric can be harmful, teach people how to hear the word “no,” and include the LGBT community because the lesson that you currently have is sexist and homophobic.

From,

A Disgruntled LGBT Former Student Who Has Heard Stories Of People Being Raped Or Sexually Assaulted And Wants It to Stop