People think it’s crazy that you and I are friends. People think it’s weird. They think that we are actually frenemies (enemy friends), but none of that is true. We are friends because we are genuinely similar and enjoy the same things. We laugh at the same jokes. We love languages and culture and dancing. We are both into healthy lifestyles, which really mean abdominal exercises are just us laughing on the gym floor or drinking wine while doing wall sits. I love it, and honestly, it’s nice to have someone who can understand what dating him is like.

Things went down between him and me before you even knew I existed, but these things involved you. I knew all about your life through stories he shared. I was impressed. You were and are the person that I always strive to be. A well-traveled, bilingual woman who planned to start up a nonprofit. An open-minded, creative soul who knew no strangers and did everything with great passion. That is who I strive to be every day and that is who you are. I became jealous and I crumbled.

He had it all, exactly what he wanted in a woman, until you broke his heart. He still tried. It was you he wanted, but by your choice, he found his way to me. He and I have a wonderful relationship, which I wouldn’t trade for anything. But I have you to thank for that and every other woman who entered and left his life—but you are the one who won’t be forgotten. I grew angry and hateful towards a person I only knew through social media and memories. I became the crazy girlfriend, a person I truly didn’t want to be.

I’m sorry for all that I’ve thought towards you. Things you don’t realize, things I’m not proud to admit, and these things are ones that I am going to apologize for. No one deserves to be hated, especially when they don’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry for being jealous of your existence. I’m sorry for over-analyzing your life from afar. I’m sorry for forcing myself into your life, unwelcome. But thank you for welcoming me in with open arms.

Because of this, I’ve grown into a better person. A person that I have you to thank for. I’ve become an honest person with myself and with others. I now welcome all kinds of people into my circle. I’ve grown to not fear the possibility of losing someone to another. I’ve learned to control my jealousy. I learned how to love myself. I’ve become mentally healthy again. So thank you. Thank you so much.

I’ve come a long way with this, but jealousy still lurks. It comes unexpectedly and I spiral out of control. I’m glad we’re friends and I want it to stay that way, but we will never be “best” friends. That is only because I still compare. I still have my unhealthy days where I fall down the hole of self-hatred. This unhealthiness needs to stop for me and for you, but I’m happy to know we can be friends. Even though we both have dated the same guy, we both know it’s a great story to share.