Most people would love to travel back in time to share words of wisdom to their younger self. For most, it’s either about a guy/girl they still have feelings for, or maybe about the classes they should’ve taken or how they wish they did better in high school overall. For me, I want to tell my 16-year-old self to just “hang in there, it gets easier.”

One of my new found favorite quotes is, of course, from a Netflix original series - BoJack Horseman. At the end of season 2, BoJack is seen (attempting to) run up the hill that he has always avoided by his home. In both season 1 and 2, in the beginning of the series, they usually would show this old baboon guy trying to run up the hill everyday. At the end of season 2, this character noticed BoJack exhausted and lying down in the grass after he officially completed running up the hill. The monkey then says to him “It gets easier, everyday it gets a little easier, but you’ve got to do it everyday - that’s the hard part. But it does get easier”. This quote is the epitome of never giving up, hanging in there and each day facing that "hill" and one day conquering it.

My sophomore year of high school, like most, was one of the hardest of my academic career. Not just because I was struggling with my academics or because I was balancing school with work, swimming and tennis, but rather because I was severely bullied. A lot of kids are bullied each year, about 1 in 3 kids will experience this throughout their academic career. For some, it stops right away, for others, it haunts them every day, even when they’ve gone and graduated and moved on with their life. And for more than a few, they unfortunately just can’t take it anymore and end up taking their life because the pain is too much to handle.

I was always the shy kid in class that sat in her assigned seat, arrived super early and drew pictures during class, because A) the subject was usually boring, and B) she couldn’t afford to look up and face the familiar faces that have been haunting her since she moved to Avon 5 years prior to her sophomore year. Outside of class, when I was amongst friends, I was super friendly, outgoing and humorous, but when I was in class, predominantly 1^st period Language Arts, I was dead silent. I pretty much looked like a statue. I was just motionless, cold, alone and lifeless. Everyday, even during morning announcements, I was quiet and sat there in my seat, the first person of the second-to-last table towards the back of class. Every morning you would hear the usual complaining of students and their melodramatic lives that were so tough that they “can’t even”, way before “can’t even” became a trend. And every morning I would hear my name loud and clear in conversations. Familiar words would fill my ears: “freak, weirdo, ‘I think she’s a lesbian’, I hate her, loser” the list is pretty much endless. Teachers, counselors, and even my parents and sisters thought I was melodramatic and just being “paranoid”, but I knew I wasn’t imaging this stuff. Each day in the hall I would see dirty stares and hear whispering. Even if it actually wasn’t about me I would still keep my head down, eyes down and cringe and even hold my breath because it already felt so hard to breathe around 300+ students in the never-ending hallway. My grades fell even more into the bottomless pit of what was now my GPA, my French teacher was concerned and so were my friends, but I didn’t seek help because, seriously, what could they even do at this point?

I remember everyday, yes everyday, I would come home either depressed or crying because something happened at school. I was the type of kid that kept to herself and stayed out of big drama, and any drama for that matter. I went to school, saw some friends, went to practice and went home. That was it. My mundane high school life in a nutshell. But for some reason at ye ole Avon High School, that was just “weird”. I didn’t party, I didn’t drink or do drugs, I only hung out with a few people outside of school from Avon - most of my friends were from the neighboring school districts and our “rivals” (Avon Lake). One day I asked my older sister to take me home from school since it was raining, and of course her being the popular one of the family, said no because she too, whether she would ever admit it or not, at that time, thought I was a loser like everyone had claimed. So I walked all the way home. It wasn’t a very short walk either, it took at least a good 20 minutes to walk to my house. On this particular rainy day I took the back-way home, I didn’t feel like walking down the usual route where lots of people I knew went through. The light was red and I was close to the crosswalk when a red car pulled up next to me. Next thing I know, some shabby looking kid yells something and then throws a bottle at my head. Luckily ,it hit the crease of my neck but still it hurt; not just the bottle, but the fact that someone actually wanted to do that to me. I knew the guys too - they were wannabe stoners who skipped class or, whenever they were in class, talked about how much weed they got and how much they would sell it for. That night after crying about being hit with a bottle, I really wanted to just end it there. No more pain, no more tears, I’d be free. But I couldn’t do that to my family, to my friends and, most importantly, to myself. I just put on a brave face and kept doing my daily routine. That’s how it went up until I graduated.

If I could go back, I would want to walk into that 1^st period Language Arts class, look Beyoncé fabulous, go right up to my 16-year-old self and hug her. I would let her cry in my arms, let her scream how much it hurts and then wipe away her tears and smile at her and say “hang in there Leah, it will get better, you have so much ahead of you. One day you will leave this place. This is not your home, it will never be your home, your home is with your family and only with your family. Avon will never be your home, it’s just a place to pass by. It’s a life lesson that hurts in the short term but will make you a hell of a lot stronger in the long term. One day, you will graduate from here, you will be happy you did it, you will go to a community college for two years, you will meet amazing friends there who will open your eyes to a brighter future. You will soon pick animation as your major and psychology as your minor, you will do research with Cornell University for 4 months on the Eastern Bluebirds, and you will eventually be accepted to The Ohio State University. There, you will continue your dream of swimming, you will join a sorority, you will meet some of the most unique individuals at Hopkins Hall and throughout your extracurricular activities. You will make not only your parents proud, but make yourself proud because you conquered this bullying. You knew there was more to life and a bunch of pathetic loser with nothing else to do won’t matter anymore. Let them be bullies, let them sit there and make you feel horrible about yourself, because deep down they are suffering too. Deep down they were once bullied for being a dreamer, for being shy, for being who they are. A great Taylor Swift once said, “hater gonna hate, hate, hate” let them hate, but let yourself love and forgive. Forgive them, not just for your sanity but for their sanity too. Let them know it’s okay, that all is done and forgiven, even though it’s aggravating to let it go and move on with your life after the crap that happened to you. Pray for them to be happy and find their way and themselves. You do you girl, put a smile on your face and just do you. You are a beautiful, creative, independent woman, you light up every room you walk into and touch so many people's hearts. No matter what they throw at you, you will always be Leah Anne La Farciola. Don’t think about letting someone dull your shine, you are worth more than that. I love you so much and I am so very proud of you and all that you have and will continue to do. Go. Be you and never give up. There’s always a rainbow after every storm.”

And then I'd cue the fog and awesome exiting music and time travel five years to where I am today. Of course this is only one story of the many that tells of how I was bullied. There were so many more stories, but I can only fit so much on a page. I'm not scared or embarrassed to tell my story, even if it is just a little taste of what happened five years ago. It's time to embrace it and let it fuel me to become stronger each and every day. Like monkey man from BoJack Horseman said "It gets easier. Everyday it gets a little bit easier, but you've got to do it everyday - that's the hardest part. But it does get easier". No matter what life throws at you, keep your head held high, do you and never give up.

If you know or have been that person who was victimized by bullying, tell them/yourself to never give up, there is always help out there. There are people who love and care about you, and they just want the best for you. Don’t ignore your feelings and most of all, please don’t bottle them in. Let them out; tell a parent(s), guardian, sibling(s), professor, advisor, your faith, just tell someone. Don’t keep it to yourself, because you are worth so much more. Never let someone dull your shine. Be you, and when you learn to accept and love yourself, the rest will fall into place.