As I am now in my second year of college out of three, I find it important to reflect, share, and address the negative, life changing aspects of life that no one prepares you for. Mine is a story of my first year of college after the loss of my grandfather due to his long fight with brain cancer, and also a message to all others grieving loss in their own ways

Dear Loss,

We don’t always deal with you properly.

There are as many ways to grieve as there are people on this earth. The advice I’m about to give you is key, but even I have trouble following is; under no circumstances should you shove your feelings deep down inside of you, because you feel like if you leave it alone long enough, it will magically go away. Being strong didn’t change the fact that my grandfather was dead. Between college classes, homework, extracurriculars, my boyfriend, my dog dying, and my mom’s divorce, I imploded into a full depression with anxiety that still hasn’t gone away. If this article can help you not end up like me, then I’ve achieved my goal.

You’ve shaped my new view of life.

No one ever goes into college expecting to loose a loved one less than a month after starting school. You go in thinking of new beginnings; whether they be a clean slate for academics or making friends. You taught me that life isn’t always happy and that I shouldn’t expect it to be. Society expects us, teaches us even, to be stoic unfeeling walls whom lack care. The new view that emerged from this philosophy is that my feelings matter and they’re completely natural. I’m allowed to be anxious and sad. Loss is something that is an irrevocably human experience.

Healing takes time.

My grandfather always said, “Patience is a Virtue, Kaitlyn.” Which is a saying that I was known to outwardly spurn. I never knew that the lessons that he was teaching me would serve me later when I was more mature. His death was the event that allowed me to take the time to be patient with my grief. Even now, over a year after he passed, I’m still raw and I’m still grieving; deep down I know that I always will be. What is crucial is to find ways to constructively vent your grief.

You have resources

One of the most frustrating side effects of coping with depression and anxiety at the same time is the overwhelming feeling that you’re alone, yet that everyone knows and is judging you for your pain. I was lucky enough to have a combination of wonderful resources that I was able to identify before I took a turn for the worse. I know to well that you feel like no one will care enough to listen to you, but you’d be surprised how much people care about your well being. You have friends, teachers, and role models to talk to. Even talking with someone you don’t know can be comforting, because you care more about the look of pity someone close gives you, than the judgment of a stranger.

You’ve taught me to cherish the present.

That cliché saying of never knowing how much time you or others have left is a cliché for a reason. It’s true. Without cherishing the present you leave room for the woulds, shoulds, and ifs that will consume you. "I would have gone fishing and watched corny reruns longer." "I could have prayed more." "I should have chosen better last words, or taken the opportunity to say goodbye." "If I had just listened to my father when he called telling me to say goodbye," but I was too afraid. Now I say I love you before ending every call and boycott the word “goodbye” because it's too final. Its why I make my boyfriend late so I can get one more kiss before he leaves or my mom one more hug when I come home from school.