Not everyone deals with the pain of losing a parent or someone who was like a parent at a very young age. Let me tell you: the pain lasts for a while. From whether it was recent like mine or happened years ago, the loss of a parent is an indescribable feeling that only those who have experienced it know what it’s like. When you're close, or maybe not that close, it still hits you extremely hard. That being said, being at college and dealing with these emotions when almost everyone has their parents around, is something I would not wish anyone to experience. You see families like that at family weekend, helping them unload and load another carefree student's dorm room up, or just to visit a homesick child. Here are some ways to cope while away at school, and to realize you are not in this alone.

Here is a little backstory of how I know how it feels. I lost my dad September 11, 2015. Yes, it has only been a few months now, and it has taken me this long to put my feelings into words. The first month was the easiest for me because I was in denial. It hit me in October, the true realization that I had lost my dad. I had so many regrets with my him; we didn’t have a great relationship and I was about to start to mend our relationship. From the regret of having a bad relationship with him, I cried myself to sleep many nights and had many breakdowns. I still remember the call I woke up to that morning at 7 a.m. What didn’t help was that I was dealing with my mom’s health issues and my own, while trying to maintain going to my classes. Soon it became too much for my 19 year old self to deal with everything. I wish someone had told me these things when I was dealing with the grief and everything in between.

1. Do not be hesitant to talk to someone.

As many times you have probably heard this, it can do the soul wonders. The amount of stress, anxiety, and pain that you can get from the loss, or any loss in that matter, can only increase when the stress of school, work, and a social life are piled on top. It is no secret that college is stressful, but talking out the emotions with someone you can trust is a good place to start when you feel upset. It helps more than you could ever know. I was so stressed out between my mom having surgery, then a week later, my dad passed away, and then a just a few more weeks later learning that I had to have surgery. It took a toll on me. My family lives a long way away, and they are busy with their own lives, that we sometimes go weeks without talking to one another. This is where your school counselors, friends, significant others, and ANYONE comes into play. Just promise yourself to talk to someone.

2. It's OK to cry.

You may think that you have to be the tough one. You may think that it's not OK for you to cry in front of your siblings, strangers, family members, or plane out acceptable especially in front of a roommate you just met a few weeks ago. Honestly, you have been through enough and keeping it in is not going to help or it's not healthy. LET IT OUT DOLL FACE! There is nothing to be embarrassed about, no one will judge you about it. The grieving process is supposed to help you heal and make you feel better. There is almost nothing greater than the loss one can suffer from losing your parent (not even the thought your dog passing away). My boyfriend dealt with many of my breakdowns and tears, especially at night time.

3. Treat yourself.

I want to point out that yes, it may be hard to focus on work and seem that studying is super important (which it is), but do not forget that letting loose within limits can lead to a healthy mind and body. You may notice where you can’t exactly focus on anything else and want to cry all the time. When this happens, try getting out of the room and enjoying yourself. It’s not right to cut yourself off from the world, especially your friends. Being numb and locked in your room will only make you a zombie and you’ll lose those who are close to you, and eventually they will have given up on you. Trust me.

4. Take a trip home.

This may be easier for some than others, but there is nothing like sleeping in your own bed, or in your mom’s bed, to ease your mind. Talking about memories and telling stories about your loved one with family can be very therapeutic, especially looking at old photos and videos y’all took. How I longed to be home, but I wasn’t one of the people that it was easier for me to go home. My sisters and I, we all had mixed emotions - one has been mad, one was crying, one was trying to be the tough one, one was silent, and one was just the listening ear. It varied each day.

5. Try to enjoy the experience with another parent or loved one.

When it comes to the big moments in life, it may feel wrong to enjoy them without your parent. From your first day to move in, to parents weekends, college boyfriends, and rants about your professors, NONE of it is easy. There is always the thought in the back of your mind that they should be there with you, like everyone else’s parents. Don’t let that deter you from enjoying the day with the parent that can be there. Let them be there for you, because nothing is worse than sulking all day. It just makes it worse. I lost my dad right when I started my first semester of sophomore year. I am very thankful to be the youngest of 6, have a mom, an amazingly close family, and a very understanding college that worked with me. They were all there for me and looked out for my well-being, especially for me being four hours away from home.

6. Don't try to go back to work too soon, TAKE YOUR TIME!

Working is something that most college students have gone through or will go through, so you're dealing with people every day. Take time to grieve. I made the mistake of going back to work two weeks after my dad passing, and let me tell you - it was the hardest thing ever. I work at the school's dining hall on weekends, and it just so happened to be family weekend. When I was serving the food to students, parents, and faculty, I saw and heard so many voices and faces that sounded and looked like my father. Let’s just say that I was told to go home. So take your time, and don't try to rush things.

Keep your head up, and know that you're very loved. XOXO