An Open Letter To Cliques

An Open Letter To Cliques

When did being unique become a bad quality?

Dear Cliques,

I'm really happy that you have a solid group of friends. It must be really fun to get together as a big group every weekend or each time you go back to your hometown to share fun stories and laugh. But I want you to realize there are so many great people out there that no one in your group knew when your clique formed.

As I grew up, I was constantly surrounded by a clique that was formed of extremely bright individuals. Each of them possessing unique traits and personalities that I loved to be around. As we grew up, I could see the wonderful different qualities vanish. Those individuals became a group and it seemed as if their different ideas and styles were stripped from them. I was close to multiple members individually, but when the entire group was near, it was as if I was a stranger they had never met. It hurt. It was hard for me to understand why my friends were only my friends when no one else was around. Was being my friend something that needed to be hidden? It took me a long time to realize why I am better off without them.

People who are in a clique normally are not very unique. It's inevitable to pick up on traits from the people you associate yourself with. Those who are in cliques refuse to hang out with anyone outside of their "group," so it makes sense that they all act like the same person, but it's sad. I do have a small group of friends, but the great thing about them is that they love being with new people. We don't need to hang out with each other every weekend and we don't need each other to attend social event we've been invited to. We always ask new people to join us in our adventures because the more the merrier. We never plan "buddies night," which is just a less rude way to let other people know they are unwelcome.Cliques just learn how to lean on their friends completely, and I'm not even sure how great of friends people in cliques are to each other.

All throughout middle school and high school, I would hear people in cliques bashing so hard on each other. While blowing off steam when you're upset with your friends is natural and okay, the things I often heard were not things I would ever say about my closest friends- or anyone for that matter. I've heard about so much drama and so many secrets that I was never even involved in by too many people because they had no filter when it came to sharing the secrets of their friends. It made my heart hurt. It's one thing to be judged by people you don't know, but to be judged and exposed by your closest group of friends must be really hard. After I finally realized how negative being apart of a clique can be, I let go of the urge to maintain friendships with people who were never really a friend to me in the first place.

I began hanging out with random people all the time. I would call someone I hadn't talked to in a few months to see if they wanted to go out with me or if they had something they wanted to do, I'd ask to tag along. After hanging out with a variety of people, I learned so much about myself. What kind of person I wanted to be. And that person was not one that needed at least two other members of my clique to go somewhere. It was also really eye opening to get to know different people. I got to see the world through many different eyes. Some of the people I had harsh judgement towards ended up being my most genuine and close friends. Had I stayed tangled up in a clique that judged people unlike them, I would not have gotten to know how beautiful my new friends' hearts were. The clique judged them too harshly because of the reputation given to them when they dared to be different.

I am not at all saying a solid group of friends is bad, and I am not saying I don't like people who are in cliques. I am saying I feel bad for those of you trapped in box where you aren't allowed to break the walls. I feel bad that you haven't experienced different people. I feel bad that you have let your deeper personality hide from the public eye in fear that your group will judge you and kick you out of the little group message and weekend get togethers that are exclusively for you all. God forbid you invite that new kid that seems nice but isn't apart of your crew, right?

So here is my advise to you.

Next time your clique gets together, have someone new tag along. Someone you have always been interested in getting to know, but have been too afraid to invite them.

Dare to be different. Different is beautiful and so are you. Plus, if your "friends" judge you for your weird music, deep thoughts, or your obsession with knitting, are they really your friends?

Be kind to everyone. Remember that cliques look like an army to lone soldiers. Don't use the cliche "The door swings both ways," because as true as that can be in many cases, it doesn't work as well here. It's hard to open your door to people when its 10 to 1. It is terrifying reaching out to a person in a clique. We aren't just putting ourselves out there for a couple people, we are forced to put ourselves out there to a huge group, and it is hard.

Don't let people look at you and your friends as exclusive, judgemental, mean, or fake. It's really easy to view cliques in that way because although you don't always mean to, it's just the way uninviting groups make themselves seem.

Take this all to heart. I already know some of you have been rolling your eyes this whole time. "We are not mean." "We do not talk bad about each other that much." "We include new people sometimes." I can already hear it now. Dig deep down though. Be honest with yourself. If you are still pleased with your group message friends, that is okay. But I dare you to take this all to heart and then text someone new and invite them to hang out with you. Just you. You are your own person and I promise you are wonderful on your own.


Individually Me

Cover Image Credit: Universal Pictures

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I Ghosted My Old Self For 5 Months In An Effort To Reevaluate My Life

My life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.


BREAKING (not fake) NEWS: It's true, you have to hit your lowest before hitting your highest.

I want to share my lowest with you, and I'm almost ashamed to say it had nothing to do with the loss of both of my parents. I like to think I handled that like a warrior.

Turns out I didn't, and the hurt I've been burying from that hit me all at once, the same moment my life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

My life flipped upside down overnight back in August. I had my heart broken shattered, lost two very important friendships that I thought were with me until the end, lost my 9-5 job, my health took a hit stronger than a boulder, and I was absolutely lost. For the first time, ever, I let go of the reigns on my own life. I had no idea how to handle myself, how to make anyone around me happy, how to get out of bed or how to even begin the process of trying to process what the f*ck just happened. I was terrified.

Coming from the girl who never encountered a dilemma she couldn't fix instantaneously, on her own, with no emotional burden. I was checked out from making my life better. So I didn't try. I didn't even think about thinking about trying.

The only relatively understandable way I could think to deal with anything was to not deal with anything. And that's exactly what I did. And it was f*cking amazing.

I went into hiding for a week, then went on a week getaway with my family, regained that feeling of being loved unconditionally, and realized that's all I need. They are all I need. Friends? Nah. Family. Only. Always.

On that vacation, I got a call from the school district that they wanted me in for an interview the day I come home. It was for a position that entailed every single class, combined, that I took in my college career. It was a career that I had just gotten my degree for three months before.

I came home and saw my doctor and got a health plan in order. I was immediately thrown into the month-long hiring process for work. I made it a point to make sunset every single night, alone, to make sure I was mentally caught up and in-check at the same exact speed that my life was turning. I was not about to lose my control again. Not ever.

Since August, I have spent more time with family than ever. I've read over 10 new books, I've discovered so much new music, I went on some of my best, the worst and funniest first dates, I made true, loyal friends that cause me zero stress while completely drowning me in overwhelming amounts of love and support, I got back into yoga, and I started that job and damn near fell more in love with it than I ever was for the guy I lost over the summer.

But most importantly, I changed my mindset. I promised myself to not say a single sentence that has a negative tone to it. I promised myself to think three times before engaging in any type of personal conversation. I promised myself to wake up in a good mood every damn day because I'm alive and that is the only factor I should need to be happy.

Take it from a girl who knew her words were weapons and used them frequently before deciding to turn every aspect of her life into positivity — even in the midst of losing one of my closest family members. I have been told multiple times, by people so dear to me that I'm "glowing." You know what I said back? F*ck yes I am, and I deserve to.

I am so happy with myself and it has nothing to do with the things around me. It's so much deeper than that, and I'm beaming with pride. Of myself. For myself.

I want to leave you with these thoughts that those people who have hurt me, left me, and loved me through these last couple of months have taught me

Growth is sometimes a lonely process.
Some things go too deep to ever be forgotten.
You need to give yourself the permission to be happy right now.
You outgrow people you thought you couldn't live without, and you're not the one to blame for that. You're growing.
Sometimes it takes your break down to reach your breakthrough.

Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

My god, it's so f*cking good.

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Self-Care: The Best Care

"I thought I was fine, and now I'm actually great."


"Hindsight's always 20/20"

It's something I've heard myself say a lot. Especially more recently. Looking ahead into 2019 and what I want out of it has led to a lot of looking back. And really it's not just looking back, but knowing from the faults and improving upon them.

If we're being honest, I've looked back and come to the realizations about how I could've taken better care of myself and lived my life better. I know now that my self-care fell. It slowly declined over time and somehow I just failed to notice. I thought to make myself look better or keeping myself busy helped to keep my mind on track of the spinning world I could barely catch up with. I didn't pay enough attention to what self-care is and more of, I wasn't really keeping track of how to make sure I'm taking care of myself- physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Self-care is about seeing yourself as you are and improving upon who you already are.

But more than that- self-care is more than just looking after yourself. It's more than checking in once in a while to make sure you're still okay. Or that you're doing better than you were. It's more than looking good, it's dragging yourself out of bed and dragging yourself to the gym.

It's more than looking good, it's dragging yourself out of bed and dragging yourself to the gym.

Self-care isn't something that's particularly emphasized in schools and society, itself. But, that doesn't make it any less important. And with the change of the new year, people have created these ways to better themselves and make the new year better than the previous. We, as a society, use all of these goals and resolutions to help us, but more often than not, they don't stick. We tell ourselves that we'll get healthier, or lose weight, or eat healthier, or be happier.

But really, resolutions don't really have to do with our mental health. More often than not, they deal with how we can better ourselves physically, rather than mentally or emotionally. Emotional and mental health is overlooked many times and we as a society are still new to seeing mental health as something that's real and very valid. It takes an effort to check in on yourself and your mental health.

An effort that isn't always easy to read, but one which places you in a better state and is so so so so worth it. Trust me, I get it. I'm not the best at learning to read my own emotional and mental health and I'm convinced that I've let it slide or pretended that I'm doing better than I am, simply not recognizing where I was in my mental and emotional states.

I, like most other people, have my new year's resolutions. But I know that besides including my own physical goals, I want to include goals of bettering my own emotional and mental health. Despite that, it still is the beginning of the new year and I, much like, most people still have what feels like all the motivation to actually pursue my goals, I'm also determined to know myself, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

And last year was okay… I'll be the first to admit it. I honestly thought that I was fine and now I'm actually great. I'm excited about this new semester and year- waiting to see what lies ahead of me.

"I thought I was fine, and now I'm actually great."

But my point is that self-care is more important than we think. It's more than thinking you're "great". More than passing off as doing well if you're struggling. Be more in tune with yourself and determined to change what isn't working. Be conscious of when you need to take a step back and ask, "am I really okay?". Make more effort to eat better, lose those few pounds, or even just dragging yourself to the gym. New Year's resolutions are about more than physically taking care of yourself and not seeing the "whole you". Make 2019 the year of seeing you for all that you are.

After all, hindsight is always 20/20.

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