Dear You,

I am so sorry. Even now I still can’t begin to understand how we let things come to this. I want you to know that I still love you from afar. Though we haven’t spoken in months, I think about you every day. It kills me that I can no longer call you my best friend. I wish so badly I could hug you just one more time.

The thing is that you were always much more than just a best friend; you were my roommate, my sister, my soul mate, my person, and my everything. It is very rare that you meet someone you connect with on as deep a level as we did. I don't understand what happened. There was no single, catastrophic event that ruined us. If there was, then at least I could blame this on something besides myself.

We both changed I guess, but I would have thought our relationship would have changed with us. I thought we would be able to withstand anything. I never dreamed there would come a day when I wouldn't be able to turn to you. Some days I can hardly get out of bed, and I wish so badly I could call you up. I know you would understand. I just always thought you would be by my side, through thick and thin.

I must admit, I am jealous of our mutual friends. They get to talk to you, and I don't. They get to see you, and I don't. They get to laugh with you, and all I can do is look back at all the wonderful memories we shared. Though to be honest, every single damn time I think about you, which is daily, it brings tears to my eyes.

Understand that I don't miss only our past, I miss the future I have lost sight of. You were supposed to be my bridesmaid. You were supposed to give the most memorable toast at my wedding. Our kids were supposed to grow up together. And we were supposed to grow old together. I hate thinking that you will no longer be included in the most important days of my life. And it hurts knowing I am no longer a part of yours.

I wish there was something I could do or say to help us get back to where we once were. But I've come to terms with the fact there are things you have to learn to let go. Sometimes, you just have to live with the pain, until it subsides into a constant dull reminder of things that once were.

If you read this, and I hope you will, I want you to know that you are the most remarkable, loving, kind, and intelligent person I have ever met in my life. I was beyond lucky to get to know you. The time we spent together is irreplaceable. Someday I dream of our paths crossing again, but until then, know I spend every day grateful for the time we shared together. I love you. I miss you. But above all else, I hope you find the happiness that I know you are continually seeking-even if that means you're happiest without me.

Always,

Me