Hola comrades. Today, I have something a bit different for you. I've utilized my top-notch journalism skills to bring you a candid interview with one of the most intriguing phenomena of our time- the Georgia Muslim. I was able to collaborate with fellow Odyssey contributor and Georgia Muslim Aliya O. to give you the full scoop. Enjoy!
Austin: Good afternoon, Aliya. Thank you for taking the time to be interviewed on such short notice.
Aliya: The pleasure is mine.
Austin: And what better forum to conduct such an interview than Odyssey?
Aliya: God. It's like one week you bash the brand, now you're plugging it.
Austin: You must've read my previous article.
Aliya: Indeed I did.
Austin: Let's just get right into it, okay? Thoughts on Drake?
Aliya: I think he's a very fine artist.
Austin: Interesting. So, how are you finding America?
Aliya: Well, it's been treating me nicely ever since I exited the womb.
Austin: Meaning?
Aliya: It means I've lived here my whole life.
Austin: Indeed, indeed. So, how do you feel about global warming?
Aliya: It depresses me.
Austin: Likewise. And your hijab-you know that you don't have to wear that here, right?
Aliya: Indeed.
Austin: So wait, you're telling me that wearing your hijab is a choice and nobody is forcing you to wear it?
Aliya: That would be correct. Let me see if my editor will let me exempt my article this week because of this. *Aliya texts her editor*
Austin: Very well.
Aliya: You didn't really put that in there, did you?
Austin: I did.
Aliya: No one's going to want to read this.
Austin: Anyway, what are your thoughts on Christians? There's an awful lot of them here, in Georgia.
Aliya: I like 'em!
Austin: So you don't wish for their destruction?
Aliya: Of course not! One of my closest friends, [REDACTED] is Christian.
Austin: You have Christian friends?
Aliya: Of course.
Austin: Any of talk of marriage yet?
Aliya: Now that's just silly.
Austin: So, your father hasn't arranged a marriage for you yet?
Aliya: Of course not.
Austin: Explain.
Aliya: What's to explain?
Austin: I thought it was commonplace for arranged marriages to take place within Muslim families?
Aliya: Actually, no, it's really quite an archaic practice.
Austin: Huh.
Aliya: *Laughs*
Austin: So: Arab, Muslim, and terrorist. Explain the difference.
Aliya: Arab is an ethnicity, Islam is a religion, and a terrorist is not necessarily either, it's someone who holds extremist, warped views on a subject, be it religious or political.
Austin: Insightful.
Aliya: Thank you.
Austin: So, Aliya, everyone's dying to know your opinion on ISIS.
Aliya: *Groans*
Austin: Ahem.
Aliya: Why should my opinion be different from anyone else?
Austin: Great question. Moving on.
Aliya: Yes, moving on.
Austin: Favorite food, and why?
Aliya: Lasagna, because it's an entire meal on its own, and I hated it at sight until I tried it.
Austin: Siblings, do you have them?
Aliya: Yes.
Austin: Care to expand on that?
Aliya: I have two sisters.
Austin: What else?
Aliya: I don't know. What's your sign?
Austin: I'm a Taurus.
Aliya: My sister's a Taurus.
Austin: How are you liking this interview so far?
Aliya: Meh. I've seen better.
Austin: Man.
Aliya: Why are you acting like I'm a celebrity? Not that I'm complaining.
Austin: I don't know.
Aliya: Hm.
Austin: I guess that's a wrap. Any closing thoughts?
Aliya: I would just like to say I love cats, but I am allergic and cannot have one.
Austin: Nice.
Aliya: This is ridiculous.
Austin: What is?
Aliya: This article.
Austin: *Laughs*
END TRANSCRIPT
8/27/16
