I have been trapped since before I was 10 years old. I can remember the first time I had ever felt the horrible pain of what my momma called "anxiety". I was standing there trying to pick out a movie to watch when a horrible thought crept into my mind and took over my thoughts. Eternity. The thought had scared me. It brought me to tears and I couldn't stop dwelling on the thought.
Have you ever been in a car accident? Or maybe once while you were swimming in the ocean, a wave picked you up and carried you under for a few seconds? In just the few seconds that your car was sliding across the road or the wave buried your head so you couldn't breathe, that horrible, heart stopping feeling that makes your throat close up, is what anxiety feels like. It creeps up on you and takes you by surprise. It invades your thoughts and takes over your emotions. You no longer have control of where your thoughts go. It never goes away. It sits on the edge of your brain like a dog, just waiting to growl, bark, and bite at the first sign of danger.
Anxiety is being frightened by car rides because there is no way to control the other drivers. Thunderstorms stop your breathing as you try to listen for anything that could be mistaken for thunder, like a robber trying to break into your house. Your room is your safe haven. Anxiety is wanting to be alone but knowing you can't be because your thoughts will get too loud. Change is one of the hardest things to deal with and makes me weak from the inside out. I somehow find the worst in every situation, forever thinking that I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. If something does go right, sensors immediately go off in my brain telling me that something is not okay. I often find myself searching out the danger as if I already know that something bad is stirring. I have no sense of self worth and my heart constantly beats way too fast.
I understand that I am hard to be around, and even harder to love; however, I can promise you that I hate being around myself more than you ever could. So I have a few tips for people who love people with anxiety:
1. Be patient.
-Our minds are working in overtime just to remain at the level we are at. We are trying to calm ourselves.
2. Reassure us.
-Reassurance is so important. We constantly need someone to reassure us that everything is okay. Once is not enough.
3. Please, try to understand.
-We didn't choose to be this way. Please understand that we are not "exaggerating". This is all 100% real to us, even though we pray every single day that it isn't.
4. We envy you.
-I cannot imagine what it would be like to be presented with a problem and be able to push it to the side until I was able to come up with a solution.
5. Leave, if you can't do it.
-If you are becoming close to someone who has anxiety, think and act fast. We tend to get attached so easily and you leaving might break us momentarily. I promise, you'll be doing us a favor in the end.
To all the people who are close to someone with anxiety, we thank you. We know the trouble you go through every single day just to keep our heads above water. We know the patience and strength you have to have and we know what you're going through. Thanks for sticking it out. You mean more than you could ever know.
