My amateur dream-deciphering endeavor usually begins with having a disturbing dream that leaves me questioning my sanity. This is followed by consulting Dr. Google in an attempt to rationalize the event and feel better about myself. This hair-brained concept usually backfires. With the proper training, you too can enjoy this mind-numbing process of overthinking the contents of your subconscious mind.

Acid with Mungo Jerry

Last night I had a dream that I was doing acid with Mungo Jerry. For those of you who don’t know, Mungo Jerry is the artist behind “In the Summertime” that has been featured in dozens of commercials to represent fun times and happiness. We were in a foggy room with red lights. His face was wrinkled and his skin was like paper. His eyes were red and glassy and he seemed disoriented as he passed the LSD on the tip of his finger.

Rational Mind: What was once a fun and light-hearted individual and bent it into a sad and depressed state. Maybe that’s what I’m feeling? Maybe my mind is telling me to chill out.

Google: “Feelings that you may have encountered during a dream of acid trip... Anxious, sad, unhappy, irritated, hopeless.”

My response: So basically my 2016 in a nutshell...

Bridesmaid Catastrophe

I was maid of honor in my best friend’s wedding last May. A couple weeks ago, I had a dream that we were having another impromptu wedding ceremony for some reason, and none of us were prepared. The speech I had written on the back of a printed email had since been eaten by the dog. We were all wearing casual clothes and hoping none of the guests would notice. We basically winged the entire event and it was a disaster.

Rational Mind: This is definitely a stereotypical stress dream that I would have. Usually, in these I’m not prepared, running late, lost something, etc. no matter how much planning has gone into it.

Google: “To dream that you are in a wedding rehearsal implies that you need to prepare yourself for an important transition in your life.”

My response: Where is that transition, though??? *gestures broadly at everything* Tell me, dream spirits!!

Vampire Slaying

I had a dream that I was in a castle and had to save everyone from a league of vampires. It involved a lot of slow-motion action sequences, jumping and running up walls. Somehow I pushed several onto a stake and they impaled themselves. It was like Joss Whedon meets Quentin Tarantino.

Rational mind: You needed to feel like a badass today. I'm very proud of you.

Google: "To see a vampire suggests that you are feeling physically or emotionally drained. The vampire may also be symbolic of someone who is addicted to drugs or someone in an obsessive relationship."

My response: Shut up, Google.

See? It's much more fun when you have no idea what you are doing.