My sexuality doesn’t define who I am. My sexual identity has not been a choice, but an experience. Identities are a very personal and intimate experience for a person, especially someone in the queer community.

In life, I have used my identity to try and find my place in the world — find friends, find support and empower myself. But I am not limited to just that. I am many things other than queer. I will not be reduced to my sexuality, nor will I be simply defined by society’s perceptions of who I am because of who I am in a relationship with.

I’m not sure if I had a typical experience in growing up and realizing I wasn’t straight. I didn’t realize I liked boys until one kissed me — in a church, if you find that interesting. But what is the typical experience? Am I supposed to realize I’m “different” because I only played with the girls at recess? Or because I wore my mother’s heels around the house? Was I supposed to shoot out of my mother’s womb holding a rainbow flag and throwing confetti everywhere?

In high school, I wasn’t in show choir because I was queer. I wasn’t in theater because I had a boyfriend. I didn’t join the fashion magazine in college because I wanted to get into the pants of the boy down the hall. I will not allow myself and my life choices to be divided down to my sexuality.

I’ve realized that many people I’ve interacted with in life have tried to push me into one category. I was their gay friend, or I was the gay kid with a fashion sense or I was funny and entertaining because I was gay. I have become infuriated at the thought of how, in the past people, would label me in their lives as the token gay kid at work, or their gay friend in class. Too many straight guys have tried to compliment me, saying they don’t feel uncomfortable around me. Like every other gay guy apparently tried to fuck them the moment they smelled the straight, masculine pheromones.

The amount of times I have heard, “I have this friend who is gay, that you would absolutely love! Do you want his number?” Because apparently every queer male is single, ready to mingle and will jump at every chance to find their next boyfriend. I wish I could look back and say “No Diane, I am not interested in your 40-year-old friend who think’s I'm the perfect twink for him." I’m luckier now to work and be in an environment where I’m more than my queer identity, but it has been a long journey.

I’ve struggled my entire young adult life with people perceiving me as my sexuality, and as the wrong sexuality. I’ve been mislabeled as gay more times than not, and I just have one thing to say about it. I’m not gay. I’m queer. What’s the difference? I don’t just like people who are male. I don’t care about the sexuality or gender of the person I like.

I know I’m effeminate. I know I have interests that align with stereotypical queer interests, but I am not my sexuality. I’m Shore, the person who likes writing poetry, hazelnut coffee and fleece blankets.

Please don't limit me to my sexuality. Treat me like I’m my own person. I deserve that much.