"You're acting crazy," "Calm down," "Don't worry," "Get over it," "Stop crying," "You are overreacting," "It could be worse," "It's just anxiety," "It's just my anxiety," "This isn't you," "This isn't me."
This is me.
I am my anxiety.
I am anxious and I do not always know why. The simplest tasks at times can be daunting, they can be utterly overwhelming at times. This is not an attitude. This is not a choice, I simply cannot just stop worrying. It is more than just worrying. It is not that I am being ridiculous or dramatic. There just is not any on switch or off switch to this. It is constantly analyzing things whether it happened five minutes go, five hours ago, five days ago, five months ago, or five years ago. This is not something my brain can turn off which can be exhausting. I do not know when it is going to hit me. Some days I will look okay on the outside. I could even be smiling and laughing on the outside but on the inside my anxiety is wreaking havoc. I can be extremely social at times and you won't always know I am having anxiety until I tell you. Even when everything is turning out okay, I am always waiting for it to turn to the worst. It is drowning without water, all the time. At times it can even feel as if the weight of the whole world is on my shoulders. It is not overreacting, it is completely real to me. It could sound irrational to everyone or just one person, but it is real to me. Your logic will not cure me. This is not anything I can escape from. Sometimes I need to be alone at times, it is nothing personal. But sometimes it leads to isolation and that is when I need you. My heart is hammering in my chest and I am beginning to suffocate. Anxiety does not have one specific appearance. I do not have to be trembling or hyperventilating. It does not even look the same all the time, you can not just say I have anxiety or I do not have anxiety based on how you think or see how I am doing or reacting. I do not need you to look at me as if I am crazy. I am still me.
This is me.
Yes, anxiety is a mental illness. It is not just something someone can just get over. Anxiety is not cure able. It is a matter of learning to cope. What I am feeling and how I am reacting is me. It is nothing irrational, it is completely and utterly me.
Yes, I have anxiety. However I am fully capable of so many things. I will not allow my anxiety to define me. However, my anxiety is also me. The apparent irrationality, overreacting, utter chaos that comes with it, it is me. It is apart of me, but it will not define me.
"You're acting crazy," "Calm down," "Don't worry," "Get over it," "Stop crying," "You are overreacting," "It could be worse," "It's just anxiety," "It's just my anxiety," "This isn't you," "This isn't me."
This is me. I am my anxiety.
