I don't know if anyone has notice my absence in writing, if you have there's a good explanation: I've been busy at college, becoming more confident in myself. You know the cliche, "I went off to college and really found myself." That didn't happen. I went to college and started relaxing into who I truly am. It's hard not to when you are surrounded by people who are constantly uplifting. Growing up insecure make you hide yourself away. Every move you make, or want to make is warranted with second, third, even fourth thoughts. Because what would people think of you? Going to college didn't change me, it just gave me confidence to let down my walls and show people who I am. Underneath everything I've piled up for years, I found myself and decided it was a good day to come to peace with me.

While I was out and about trying to find myself during my first semester at University of Kentucky, I realized something that made my life a whole lot more clear. I didn't need to find myself, I just needed to be okay with who I am. It took 19 years but I think that after all this time, I'm starting to relax into who I really am. All it took was me putting myself out there. This year I decided I had to care about me and I honestly believe it was the best decision I made, not only for my mental health, but for all my relationships. With my new self confidence, I'm able to speak my mind better. I'm not afraid to open up anymore. As I look back at my first semester, I can't remember when I finally let myself be myself, but I can tell you the transition didn't come easy. It took years. I can't remember a time in my life I cared for my own well being as much as I do now. It's a wonderful feeling. It feels as though for the first time, I'm living to please myself, and no one else and that's the most pure form of freedom I've ever felt.

When you live for yourself, you take chances. Even if it makes you uncomfortable because our lives begin when our comfort zone ends. I don't mean going out on a huge limb to change your life, just starting small. Like joining a sorority, where even if you and your sisters fight sometimes you know at the end of the day you love every single one of them, and they love you equally. Like going out for a leadership position, or telling someone how you feel, or when you go home and see those life long friends from your small town and realize college is weird, because everywhere with each of these people is home. Small things like this add up over time, and you relax. Because no matter where you go, there's someone out there who is rooting for you, the real you. These people who make these places your home have seen you at your worst; the times you couldn't control your emotions and cried for no reason. They've seen you at your best; like singing in the car on your alls way to cookout, and they've listened to your crazy rants; when the smallest thing goes wrong and it feels like everything crashed around you, and it's times like these you look back on and realize "this is when I chose to love myself."

I urge you to chose yourself. You don't always have to, I understand struggling with yourself. Make small decisions that are purely for your benefit, your happiness. How you view yourself has a huge affect on how you view all your other relationships, so when you decide to love who you are, the way everyone who already loves you does; life gets easier. You become happier. You decide to be you, unforgivingly.