Confidence is a strange thing. There seems to be a fine line between looking conceited and being obviously insecure. For some of us being confident is not a thing that comes naturally. Our environments have not necessarily fostered a positive self-outlook and so as adults we must fumble around with our insecurities and learn to love ourselves. Let me assure you, this attempted transition of thought is not an easy one.

Everyone has imperfections, but self-confidence goes beyond these. It says, despite these things I don't like about myself, overall I love who I am. I am a great person, talented, and strong. I am not afraid to be myself because I am proud to be me. If you have always had this sense of self-love, I just want you to know that you should be proud of it. Do not be afraid to be yourself, to love yourself, and to be happy with who you are.

For me, this has not come so easily. My life experiences have shaped me to view myself in a somewhat negative light. Despite all that I tried to do to please everyone around me (and myself) I was never satiated nor did I feel that I was making the other people in my life as proud as I desired. Certain other aspects of my life and some quirks of my family dynamic have also been likely contributors but the moral of the story is that my confidence was never nurtured nor encouraged. I don't wish to place any specific blame for this, I just feel as though some explanation of why my confidence is lower than normal might help to validate some other people in similar situations. It is my theory that nurturing environments can really help to foster self confidence in childhood to carry on throughout a person's life.

Without such natural happiness with oneself, these feelings must be worked on and acquired over time. How does one do such a thing? With perseverance and support.

Becoming more self-confident will not happen in one day. It will not happen after one compliment, and may even be a struggle with many compliments or encouragements. Instead, the journey to happiness and self-love will be frustrating at times. The important thing is to never give up.

The best advice I can give anyone struggling with insecurity and self-doubt is to focus on yourself. Do not constantly seek the approval of others because no one will be as reliable or as knowledgeable as you when it comes to yourself. To focus on yourself it is important to figure out what makes you happy and to set some goals for the future. Start thinking about smaller things first, then build up. It helps me to write down a list so that I can remember the things I wish to accomplish as well as remembering to take time for myself. Consider doing something that you enjoy, whether that be hiking or painting or baking or doing yoga. Then set some goals. Clean your bathroom, finish organizing your bookshelf, write a poem, go to the library. Maybe fill out another scholarship application or two if you're a college student.

Doing even small things will make you feel more productive and generally better. Make an effort to go out, try a new restaurant, go to the gym (cringe-worthy, I know), or take an art class if you can afford it. Going out and doing things will help you to feel more motivated, and you can take pride in the fact that you are making an effort. Plus, those good brain chemicals will start flowing and can help to break you out of a negative cycle!

Next, try to set larger goals for the future. If you're a college student, explore the options your major will provide you with. Narrow down what you would like to specifically pursue (It's okay if this changes! This will just help you explore your options and feel out what is best for you). If you're in high school, explore the options for your future on your own terms. Really focus on what you want and not what teachers and family are pressuring you to do. You don't want to start at a four-year university? That is just fine! Community college, trade schools, and many other options are out there for you! You don't want to go to college at all? Figure out if the path you want to go down will be impossible without some college and if not, just follow your dreams and your heart. Not all professions require a bachelor's degree (although some college education don't hurt either). If you are not in college or high school, figure out whether or not you are happy doing what you are doing now. If you're unhappy, set some goals to change that! Pursue a new career, save to travel, do what you need to do to find satisfaction in your life. Trust me when I say there is something out there for everyone.

Once you have some goals, work on them. Fill out applications, do your research, talk to people, and put in the work! Remind yourself that you are working toward your goals and allow in the happiness, satisfaction, and pride you find in completing even the smallest tasks you set for yourself.

More importantly, remember not to beat yourself up over mistakes and failures! This is not easy but it will help you so much. Everyone makes mistakes and there will always be hardships. Keep your chin up anyway and keep trying. Even if you fail 9 times and succeed once, that success has the power to make everything worth it. Think about scholarships! You can't get one if you don't apply, and getting one out of twenty could be all you even need!

Additionally, do your best to surround yourself with people who encourage you to be better. Ditch those who knock you down and fill you with negativity. You deserve better. Build yourself a support system and don't feel disappointed if it is small. One family member and one friend, maybe a helpful mentor or even therapist in your small supportive circle is better than having 15 friends who aren't really willing to help you in your time of need. Find people who know of your struggles and accept you. Having even one person you can go to when you are feeling down to help remind you of how amazing you are and encourage you to move forward is so powerful. (Shout-out to my boyfriend for helping me realize that I'm actually pretty great, and always encouraging me to better myself!)

The most difficult part of all of this for me has been learning not to take things personally. Whenever I used to see co-workers whispering or hear someone complaining I used to jump to the conclusion that I must have done something wrong. Whenever I received criticism I would beat myself up for making mistakes and not being good enough. When people were rude to me, I would immediately blame myself even if I had no idea why. Oh, and of course I apologized for EVERYTHING. You get the idea. The point is that all of these things are pointless. So many things are out of our hands and beating ourselves up for mistakes only makes things worse. Own up to your mistakes, try harder next time, and move on. It's okay, you're only human! I still make many of these mistakes, but I am working toward de-personalizing things I cannot control. If you are in the same boat, let's work on these things together.

On this journey there will always be times when you still feel defeated. You may feel like you're not good enough, you might feel like you wish you were someone else. I know I hit these walls more often than I would like to still. Some days you might cry and feel afraid for the future. That's okay. Let it out and move on. Write some notes of encouragement and self-love for yourself that you can pull out when you're down. Write down your goals, dreams, and talents so that you never forget all of the things you are good at and the things you are working for.

Oh, and do your very best not to let others knock you down when you are standing tall. It is okay to feel good about yourself, to be proud, to look into the mirror and be happy with what you see. If someone tells you that you are too into yourself, remember that there is nothing wrong with that. Learn to smile at your imperfections because they make you the wonderful person you are.

Smile. You are amazing.