I am a heterosexual, cisgender member of Earth’s human population. I have never once questioned my sexual or gender identity as an individual. In fact, the existence of the LGBTTQQIA+ community was something I was not even aware of until high school. I was never told that people could be anything but heterosexual and cisgender. I grew up thinking that all guys ended up with girls and that all girls ended up with guys. A man and a woman get married, and, I believed, would have a child exactly nine months later and become a little family with the woman becoming a stay-at-home mom and the man becoming the “bread-winner.” This oppressive heterosexuality and these gender-enforcing stereotypes plagued my childhood. I had no idea that a woman could love another woman or a man could love another man. I didn’t know that there were individuals who felt like they were the opposite gender they were born into. I didn’t know you could change your gender. Sex changes were a little above my comprehension as a small girl, but now the idea is so much more apparent that children in our day and age are able to understand what gender reassignment means better than many adults in our society.

You never realize how oppressive our culture is until you’re presented with an opportunity to either stay the course and keep living the patriarchal, heterosexual, gender-typing life and condemn anything different or choose to be open-minded and learn to love everyone. I am ashamed to admit that back in high school, I chose to follow society, and because I was also a semi-follower of Christianity, I believed that homosexuality was a sin. Looking back, I cannot even begin to explain how pathetic I feel that decision was now. Choosing to hate people for something they can't choose… It's unforgivable. I believe in loving everyone, letting everyone be loved, and am an advocate for the happiness of humankind. I was so naïve and so unexposed to the real truth of the matter that I probably hurt LGBTQ+ members around me without knowing it. (I’m so, so sorry.) Luckily, my going away to college drastically changed who I was as a person, and for the better. I left Christianity and religion behind (a topic that maybe I’ll get to someday, or maybe not), chose to accept everyone with love, and recognized that out of all of the people in the world, I am very privileged. Rural America is a place where you’re rarely exposed to anybody who isn’t white, isn’t heterosexual, isn’t a Christian, and isn’t displeased with their government. (I’m generalizing here.) A liberal arts college in rural America… is not a ton better, but the liberal arts are all about exposing you to everything, being open to change, and learning with and loving the people around you. Thank you, Alma College, for waking me up from society’s suffocating lullabies.

As someone who considers themselves to be an ally of the LGBTQ+ community, I do my best to support all of those who find their identity falls within the ever-expanding acronym of the community. Whether that be by donating, sharing what I can on social media, buying pins to let people know I’m on their side, or being physically and emotionally there for someone, I really do attempt to be a shelter and place of safety and acceptance for those who feel shamed and shunned by the world. With that being said, I had been thinking of the acronym “LGBTTQQIAA” the other day and really stopped to consider what it represents, what it means, and who the LGBTTQQIAA community is for. I hate to inform you, guys, but allies should NOT be included in the LGBTTQQIAA acronym.

So often referred to as the “LGBT” community, or “LGBTQ+”, this community is comprised of individuals who need each other’s support in a world that deems them scum. It is for celebration, bonding, laughter, and love among peoples who are lesbian, gay, bi, transgender, transsexual (This particular term is seen by some members as offensive, so I apologize to those for whom this term makes uncomfortable. Know that it is not my intention to offend, but rather to be clear on what the original acronym stands for.), queer, questioning, asexual, pansexual, and any of the other variations of gender and sexual identity. It is NOT a place for allies — those who do NOT identify with any of the above terms. Heterosexual, cisgender people already own most of the world. We own the restaurants, the government buildings, and the police stations. We own the wedding cake bakeries. We own the nightclubs. Getting the picture? Heterosexual, cisgender members of the human race already walk around this earth like they own it. They have no trouble walking into bathrooms. They have no fear of holding each other’s hand. They don’t have to hide their gender or sexual identity from literally everyone else. If you’re heterosexual and you’re cisgender, you get to flaunt it because it’s considered "normal." Meanwhile, there are LGBTQ+ individuals whose lives are stolen by depression and loneliness and by people with guns — in uniform or not — and those who struggle with whether they can even go out for a cup of coffee together. This is not OK. There are so many places that members of the LGBTTQQIA+ community can’t go because they don’t feel accepted or loved. Let them have their community. Let them have their neighborhoods. Let them have their clubs and their parades and their festivals. Do not make this about us. It is not. It was never intended to be.

I can only make the assumption that the only reason that an “A” for “Ally” was initially included in the original LGBTTQQIAA acronym was to make it more palatable to people for whom did not identify with the other letters. Don’t get me wrong. Out of those with whom I have contact with, LGBTTQQIA+ community members are happy to have support from well-intentioned “allies”; however, it is not our place to invite ourselves into their happy place. It is not our fight to fight. We can invest time and resources into supporting them, but in the end, it is not our fight to fight.

Members who identify as a part of the LGBT+ community deserve a place of sanctuary, a community of belonging, and other like humans to call home. They deserve to have it all to themselves. Heterosexual, cisgender allies already have everything.

Get rid of the “A” for “Ally” and give back to the LGBTQ+ community what they should have had to themselves from the beginning.