I’m in college. I have three papers due and two exams to take just this short, pre-Thanksgiving Break week, and the thought of them does nothing but make me nauseous. I worry about how I’ll do on them. I worry about if I’ll get them done in time. I worry about having time to study even though I work all weekend. I lay down at night, but the wheels in my mind keep turning about all the things I have to do, but have no energy or motivation to work on. All I can bear to do is sleep because the sheer volume of tasks ahead of me keeps me overwhelmed. I knew college would be hard, but is it really supposed to be this hard?
I reveal to you my daily internal conflict because it’s becoming more and more evident to me that I am not the only collegian struggling with anxiety and depression. It’s becoming a trend in the worst way possible. As the number of prescriptions I take to help me focus and keep me levelheaded are increasing, the individuals around me with the same symptoms are increasing as well. I’m just over here wondering what is making us this way…
Is it the volume of homework that overwhelms us? Is it the sheer difficulty of the courses we’re taking that is responsible for our depression? Is it the cost of living and having to work along with working towards a college degree that makes us feel hopeless? Is it that we’re simply taking too many hours to be able to do all that we want to do? Is it our social lives are taking up too much time away from our schoolwork and causing us to feel inadequate? Is it that we’re constantly bombarded by the need for perfection, but are without the time to meet the demand? I don’t know about you; however, for me, it’s a combination of all of these.
One of the biggest problems with college is that professors are under the illusion that their class is our only class because it’s their only class and their job, while we go to school and work separately. Some days, it’s almost like of our professors have met and organized the days that for their papers to be due and exams to be taken all on the same day. And, of course our bosses decide to schedule us to work the night before all of these things as well. In the midst of all this chaos, we’re left longing for opportunities to do the things we love to do, but never have time to.
But then comes break time. Ah, yes, Thanksgiving break is upon us in a big way. The only thing getting me through the dreaded occurrence otherwise known as “Monday,” is the fact that I don’t have class the rest of the week. Yes, I will be spending time with my loved ones... All while my laptop is glued to my being, so I can catch up on all the assignments and papers I haven’t had the time to do regularly. Where would we be without breaks? Driving the struggle bus, of course. Only to board as a passenger the following week and watch the whole process unwind again… However, in your times of self-doubt, remember that numbers do not define you. The amount weight you've gained, or lost, does not define you. The number on the exam your professor handed back folded does not define you. The amount you have in your bank account does not define you. The number of times you've cried this week does not define you. The number of prescriptions you take does not define you.
May the odds be ever in your favor as finals quickly approach, and do your best to remember that your grades do not define your worth.
