The older I get, the more I realize how much I say "I'm sorry." It's a habit really. I say sorry for any and everything. The other day in the grocery store, an older lady asked me if there was an aisle for sugar free cookies, and after telling her there was only one cookie aisle, I apologized that there wasn't a separate aisle to meet her sugar free needs. I don't even work there, why did I apologize? It's almost as if I've programmed myself to apologize even when I'm not really sorry, or when I'm not the one at fault.
Although I apologize so much for little, petty things, I noticed that it transcends to bigger situations. Romantic relationships, friendships, and work relationships to name a few. I'll apologize just to keep the peace. I constantly say I'm sorry when, to quote Beyoncé like the stan that I am, "I ain't sorry!"
Why do we feel the need to constantly apologize for how we feel, and who we are?
As I grow as a person, I've come to the realization that it's detrimental to my self care to not apologize when I did nothing wrong. Now, this isn't to get confused with being stubborn and simply not wanting to apologize even when you are wrong. That's a problem in itself. However, why should I have to apologize for someone else's mistakes?
Stop apologizing to keep the peace. If someone hurts you, you don't have to apologize for your pain. It's a hard habit to break, especially for soft hearted people. Yet, it's important to stand your ground. Otherwise people will look at you as if you're in the wrong for not wanting to put up with the trash way that they treat you.
I've lost friends and relationships behind this ideology. However, I've come to find that if people really care, they'll get to the bottom of the issue. If they can't admit that they were wrong, those aren't the types of people you want in your corner. I'm not saying to never apologize, but you don't have to hand over your power just because you don't like conflict. That's not how healthy relationships work.
When you learn to stop apologizing for what you didn't do wrong, it truly touches every aspect of your life. You learn not to apologize for who you are just because it makes people uncomfortable.
I'm unapologetically black. I'm unapologetically woman. I'm unapologetically proud.
I won't apologize when I'm not wrong. Learn to walk in your truth, and never say sorry for it.