Finding a significant other and loving him through everything is beyond beautiful; I'm not knocking it whatsoever. The problem occurs when your love has to constantly be shown through catering to his needs and taking care of him.
Let's get straight to the point: You aren't his mother, you aren't his guardian and you definitely haven't acquired a ring, so you don't need to be doing any wifely duties. We as women thrive on potential—we meet someone and start imagining who he can be with us by his side. We aren't focusing on everything he's shown us up until this point; we only focus on our first impression of him. We immediately assume from that one good conversation that we can mold him into the man we want him to be for us. If he wanted to be a certain way, he would —it's not your responsibility to piece him together. Again, you aren't his mother and you aren't Iyanla, so you shouldn't be fixing nobody's life but your own.
Most of us are in college and don't need to be playing house with a man who doesn't even want to build with us. We need to be focused on growing and finding out what we want in a man, instead of automatically taking the first pick and running with it.You don't need to clean his apartment, cook him dinner every night and put clothes on his back to prove you love him. If he was the right man for you anyway, he wouldn't even want you to stretch yourself thin doing things for him to prove your love.
He can't define you guys' relationship status. He can't give you a straight answer regarding what he wants. He thinks you qualify for a situationship more than a relationship. So because you're buying him stuff and allowing him to get comfortable with you doing all this stuff without a title, he won't give you one. I'm not trying to be harsh; I'm simply trying to guide you and prevent you from making the same mistakes I did.
If you give him everything in the "talking stage," what will he have to work towards? He has everything, so why compromise things by making it official when he still has the benefits while you guys aren't official? Why do extra work, when you are getting everything by sending a couple of sweet texts and subtweeting. Why would he do more when you are satisfied with social media acknowledgement?
In my opinion, most men are opportunists. They flock around someone who can make them better or be a benefit to them. That's why, when they find someone willing to do more for them than you were able to do, they start to talk to them and see what they can build, Instead of realizing all your efforts and attempts to be great for them.
"A man will do it for who he finds worth doing it for," said some motivational speaker who knew what they were talking about. We often wonder what it was about us that he failed to see. "How did she accumulate a title before me and she just came in the picture?" Or even, "But I was willing to work with him through it all. What happened?" Let's go back to the idea tthat, if he wants something with you, he will take proper steps in retrieving it. If he doesn't, he will keep you around and allow you to continue to play wife until a slightly insecure girl who isn't so sure of her worth gives him everything he needs, like attention and an ego boost. This is no disrespect to that young girl -- she just doesn't know better. Trust me, it wasn't you, you just respected yourself too much to allow him to think he will ever have full control over you.
Let me be clear: There's nothing wrong with treating your man well and helping him out when he needs it. There's also nothing wrong with being a ride or die, being his best friend and partner. But you shouldn't make a habit out of helping someone who doesn't help themselves. If you know what you want, go get it. Don't sit here and try to mold and shape anyone to be who you want, because I guarantee you that there is someone out there who has it all together already. Your teens and early 20s are crucial; if you aren't married, stop acting like you're a wife.
If you are putting more into the relationship than you are getting out, you shouldn't be in it. Don't settle; these are the years you'll never be able to get back. You're young, driven and finding yourself and figuring out who you like and what you want. Don't automatically assume the position of a housewife because ol' boy is giving you a little bit of attention.
You are a Queen. Don't ever let a dude who's not ready, or who can't treat you the way you deserve to be treated, to dethrone you. Remember, you have the power over your choices and the people you choose to entertain. If you aren't ready to be a wife, stop acting like one. May I remind you that a man won't assume the position of your husband until he's fully ready to commit to you.
