When You Finally Accept Your Breakup, Read This...

When You Finally Accept Your Breakup, Read This...

Think back on it positively.


When the spring semester began, I remember sitting in one of my new classes on the second day catching up with some of my English education friends that I hadn't had classes with in over a year. We were asking each other questions about life and then the topic of who I was dating came up. You see, they remembered me from back when I had a longterm college boyfriend, so they were asking what happened between us.

It's been a long time since they had seen me and it had been a while since I had even thought about my past relationship, so I found myself letting out every negative thing in the book. I found myself telling them about how harshly he left me and how broken I was for a while. One of my friends sat there just shocked. She couldn't believe someone would do these things to me. The other girl just sat there and looked at me, unfazed by what I was saying.

I kept wondering because of her reactions if I had said something wrong or literally any other excuse in the book. Then, she said to me something I have been thinking about ever since that day, "Well was it a good relationship at least?" It took me a second before I could respond because I had to think. I had to go back and think of the numerous good times instead of the few bad times.

I think this is something everyone struggles with when we go through a breakup, thinking fo the positive times. We tend to focus on the bad ways someone ended it or the little red flags we "should've seen coming" when really, once we accept it within ourselves that the relationship is over, we should think about the good things they may have done for us and what positive life lessons we may have learned from the relationship. No one has ever asked me something like that before. When you go through a breakup, everyone wants to know what they did to us. The world wants to know the dirt rather than the truth, and yes sometimes the dirt is the truth, but you can't just dwell on that one moment.

I've been trying to put that mentality into practice as I was healing from my abusive relationship. I can easily recall the horrific times, but I also have to remind myself what positive things I gained from that experience. For example, I learned some warning signs for the future, I learned how to speak up for myself, I learned about confidence and how no matter how many times he would compare me to his exes that I was worth more than he was worthy of seeing, and above all, I learned how to advocate for myself and how to rely on myself for happiness rather than from the help of a man. Now even though my long term college boyfriend was a completely different guy than my abusive ex, the mentality still is equal in both senses.

When you begin to think back on your relationship, think of what you gained from it. Relationships are hard and take work, but they help shape you into the person you're meant to be later on in life.

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.

They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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Ladies, Stop Trying To Teach Boys How To Be Your Man If They're Not Even Men In The First Place

It is your job to love him. But it is not your job to teach him how to love you back.


I see. this way too often, honestly it upsets me and breaks my heart. It breaks my heart when I see a girl begging her boyfriend to put her on her Snapchat story. It breaks my heart when I see a girl begging her boyfriend to get off a video game and spend time with her. It breaks my heart when I see a girl doodling on a napkin at the dinner table and her boyfriend is on his phone and hasn't even looked up at her once. These things break my heart because this girl, whoever she may be, maybe it is you? She deserves a man. What she has though, is a boy. And before you say anything, yes, there is a huge difference.

I was that girl once. I begged and begged my ex-boyfriend all the time to put me on his Snapchat story. You may be reading this and be thinking "Wow she's a little attention seeking." No, that is not it at all. A simple act of being posted about made me feel special, loved, missed at times, and served as reassurance and a word of affirmation for me. Do you want to know something silly? Maybe you've done it too. Sometimes I would do something crazy to get his attention. Something funny, and silly and random just so he would post me on his story and I wouldn't have to ask.

At the dinner table, I was that girl that while he was on his phone I was sliding him notes on a napkin saying "I love you" or "Hi" or funny jokes to get his full and undivided attention.

At home, I was the girl that used to literally throw myself at him while he was playing video games to try and get him to press pause for two minutes and pay attention to me and have a conversation with me.

You see, I was that girl. But I refuse to ever be that girl again. If you are that girl, stop what you're doing.

It is your job to love him. But it is not your job to teach him how to love you back.

There is a big difference between a boy and a man. Contrary to what society may believe most boys don't actually turn into men until they are almost 40. Scary for us girls right? But here's the kicker and to be honest it has nothing to do with age.

Any boy that is in the process of becoming a man and maturing is going to know how to treat a woman. He is not going to choose video games or his phone over you. He is going to post you everywhere all the time because he wants to show you off to the world and make you feel special. He isn't going to ever leave you wondering.

The list could really go on comparing and contrasting the differences between a boy and a man but the important ones to remember when you are in a relationship are:

1. A boy thinks "me." A man thinks "us"

2. A boy gives false promises. A man honors his commitments (one being you.)

3. A boy cares about how you look in jeans. A man cares about how you look in his future.

4. You will always wonder how a boy feels about you. You will always know how a man feels about you.

All too often I see girls in the act of this. It is almost like they are training a dog or raising a child. They order them around and become demanding when it comes to doing things that make them feel special, validated and reassured. Granted, they are doing this because their relationship is lacking something but the truth is, it shouldn't be lacking something in the first place.

You are dating a boy not a man. I hate to break that to you. I really do. It's the hardest news you'll ever receive. Why? Well because

You can't fix him, you can't teach him, and you can't change a boy into a man. They have to do it on their own

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