I don't cry. Ever. I don't cry at sad movies, I don't cry from cutting onions and I rarely cry at funerals. However, YOU sir, made me cry. After the longest 30 minute meeting of my life. You made me cry and you don't even know it.
You don't know that because I left your office hours with confidence. I left without giving you one passive aggressive remark, which you rightfully deserved. I left as a respectful student. The only ones who saw me cry were the ghosts of your past victims hiding in the bricks of the stairwell that I sat in for the next 10 min. I never cry.
I'm a do-gooder. I try my best at school and I befriend the teachers when I can. However, this particular teacher did not want to be my friend and he decided this before he met me. He verbally insulted everything I've ever been working towards. He told me I will never make it. Grad school? As if. I probably won't even get my Bachelors.
He decided I was a failure before I could even prove my worth.
After the miserable bus ride home of everyone staring at puffy eyes whilst hyperventilating as if my non-existent boyfriend just dumped me or maybe a super bad allergic reaction, I went home and I vented. I complained about the asshole teacher who is trying to ruin my life. I wanted to drop the class.
As I contemplated this idea, I realized that if I do drop it, he wins.
He gets the satisfaction of telling a student she can't do it and then she agrees. I wasn't crying because he told me something I didn't want to hear. Something that was true that I never admitted to myself, NO. He told me something that no one had told me before. Everyone always tells me "Tori, you can do it."
I've never surrounded myself with pessimistic people, therefore, I've never heard such condescending words.
This is when I realized that he DIDN'T know me. He has no idea what I'm capable of and he never will if I don't show him. I could back out right now, pick a professor who shows he cares immediately. But I probably wouldn't have the same mindset.
Therefore, I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for tearing me down. Making me feel like I weaseled my way into this amazing university with no skill set. Setting the bar so low for my work as if I picked the wrong major. Thank you.
Thank you because I know your game and I'm ready to play it. I'm ready to show you all that I can do. If you still don't like me as a student, in the end, that's okay, because at least I'll like myself. But I truly believe that deep down, I'll like you as a professor because aside from the curriculum, you have already taught me that if I don't see my own worth, why should I expect anyone else to.
So, Thank you.