9 Reasons Matt Bellassai Should Be President
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Politics and Activism

9 Reasons Matt Bellassai Should Be President

So we can whine about our country's problems together.

9 Reasons Matt Bellassai Should Be President

It’s no doubt that the second you turn on any news television channel they’ll be talking about the race to the White House and the most recent controversial thing that came out of Trump or Hillary’s mouth. In my opinion, the only person that should be considered for his spot in the Oval Office is comedian, wine connoisseur, and vlog legend, Matt Bellassai. Bellassai is one of the few people who is the first to say exactly what everyone else is thinking, and lives the life that we all envy: being able to drink at any time of day and film his opinions about any topic under the sun. It’s this kind of leader we need running our country, and here’s why.

He can match a name to a face with all of his supporters.

Whether he is out doing his Christmas shopping, getting his coffee from Starbucks, or even chowing down at his favorite burrito supplier, he’s sure to call out his citizens by name- a feat any politician of ours wouldn’t be able to do.

Debates are no problem, because he’s mastered the art of interrupting.

Nevermind the way he interrupts, but he’ll probably be yawning, explaining to the other candidates to go “whine about it” to someone that cares. And more often than not, he’ll probably have a glass of wine in his hand.

He’ll discuss the issues that really matter.

Social media has put a very bright light on the Pumpkin Spice Latte epidemic that has white girls around the country fleeing to their nearest Starbucks the second the seasonal drink hits the menu. Lo and behold Matt Bellassai has something to say about it. In fact, he is one of the few to point out that the only reason this drink is popular is because it makes a better Snapchat story than it does a cozy drink. He even goes to describe the pumpkin flavor as “something that tastes like if you put cinnamon on a sand castle”. Watch the iconic video below:

He knows gay rights aren’t the argument, but that the weddings themselves are the real problem.

In one of my favorite Whine About It videos, Matt rants about why weddings can be a joyous event to some, but a torturous one to others. Between fighting for tiny hors d’oeuvres and not having enough eligible bachelors, maybe it’s not who’s getting married that’s the problem, but what the wedding itself has to offer.

There would be no controversy over who would be the First spouse.

Matt would be flyin’ solo during his term in the White House, because like most of us millennials, we find ourselves to be more like him than we realize- single and alone.

His White House Correspondence Dinner speeches would be legendary.

A small percentage of our population actually enjoys dressing up and speaking on national television hoping the viewers find you funny. Matt doesn’t have to worry about this, because most of the things that fly out of his mouth has me doubled-over trying to hold in my pee. However, he would probably rather be in bed, pants-less, and not being forced to converse with anyone else: a mood all of us feel on the daily.

He’d be great at making sure laws are followed.

Although I can’t imagine there’d be many, but laws would not be broken under President Bellassai. He’d be the first to let you know that nothing gets by him, and that he takes sh*t from no one. Unless you’re Beyoncé. Then you can do whatever you want, because she runs the world.

He knows we all work for one reason, and one reason only:

President Bellassai could actually be inspirational.

Other than the sassy, sarcastic, blunt president that Matt Bellassai could be, he could be pretty inspirational from time to time. He’ll encourage you to stop talking to the boy that is making you miserable, to quit the job that makes you not want to wake up in the morning, and most importantly, remind you that you don’t need anyone besides yourself to make you happy.

So if you're having trouble deciding who to vote for this upcoming November, consider writing in President Bellassai. you never know what could happen. #Bellassai2016

Watch the video that inspired this article:

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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