I am white--in the way that the spiciest seasoning my mom used on our food was black pepper. My girlfriend is Laotian--in the way that her parents are refugees from Laos. Being an interracial couple is a unique experience with its own set of lessons to be learned and stereotypes to be broken. Here are 9 things I’ve learned from dating an Asian girl.

1. Take Your Shoes Off

This is one lesson it didn’t take long for me to learn. I was taught by my mom not to wear shoes in the house. However, being around my girlfriend and her family made this a quick pet peeve. Anyone who comes into the house needs to take their shoes off in the entryway or face the wrath of me or my girlfriend’s mom.

2. There Are More Spices Than Salt And Pepper

As I mentioned before, I didn’t grow up with many flavors. We were a meat and potatoes family in every sense of the word. The first time I was with Amanda’s family I was introduced to a world of spices I never even knew about--chili flakes, sriracha, Hoisin sauce, fish sauce, sugar (yes, on spicy foods), chili sauce, oils, and I’ve never looked at food the same way. We get weird looks when we ask for sugar with our soup, but we just know what’s good.

3. Cultural Competency

As a white girl from Small Town, USA, with few exposures to minorities, racism was not something I experienced on a personal level. Dating an Asian girl, especially southeastern who presents darker, brings out a lot of those stereotypes. She’s told me about people talking about having “yellow fever” where they fetishize Asian girls for being more docile, more domestic, “tighter” vaginas, etc. Along with being a model minority, where they are seen as very successful but there are a lot of problems within the community with poverty and unemployment and drug usage. My girlfriend tells me about her cousins who are in gangs and other sorts of activities never associated with Asian culture. And no, she is not good at math either.

4. Yes, Chopsticks

I had sushi exactly twice before I met my girlfriend and those were my only encounters with chopsticks. Which means when her family offered me a fork, which I denied to keep my pride intact, I looked like a two-year-old fumbling with two sticks. Which then prompted my girlfriend to buy me the training chopsticks pictured below. Which, incidentally, are made for two-year-olds.

5. Asian-American Restaurants Are Fake

We next to never eat at Asian restaurants--sans buffets. Especially when Mom is in town. Every time we do I constantly hear “I could make this better at home,” “This isn’t even real Asian food,” “This is so bland,” etc. No, Lao people do not eat sweet and sour chicken or orange chicken for that matter. Panda Express is out of the question

6. Cleanliness Is Vital

I super clean the house before Amanda’s mom comes over. Because I know this woman can spot a speck of dust on top of the mantle from a mile away. To be completely honest, I used to be kind of a slob. But one thing I’ve learned in the last year and a half is to do dishes right away, sweep after dinner, keep the house clean. It really has helped me to keep focused as well but it was a huge adjustment.

7. How To Party!

Lao parties are a whole other level of party. There is karaoke, Hennesey (no cheap liquor), dancing, singing, and tons and tons of food. They put every other party I’ve been to, to shame.

8. I’m Not Above Eating Bugs

Her mom brought a bag of grasshoppers over. And we ate them. I was not convinced it tasted like popcorn, but they’re good. They quickly became a favorite at our household.

9. Diversity

There is a widespread perception that all Asians are the same. Most people think of Asia as just China, but there are 48 countries in Asia each with their own culture and ethnicity. Since getting into my relationship I’ve learned more about the differences between these nations and their people. This is one thing I’ve learned that is so important it needs to be shared with the world.