The election is finally here. So, here are 81 things I'd rather do than keep dealing with this.
1. Eat a live bee.
2. Write citations for a 20-page history paper.
3. Do 10 sinks worth of dishes.
4. Go back to my first job at Dairy Queen.
5. Relive high school.
6. Unblock my ex-boyfriend on Facebook.
7. Take out a trash bag full of expired milk.
8. Pull two all-nighters in a row.
9. Write a sonnet about a fish.
10. Share a bathroom with a an all-male dorm floor.
11. Move back into a college dorm.
12. Watch 12 straight hours of Nick Junior programming.
13. Watch every Wrong Turn movie in succession.
14. Give up The Walking Dead.
15. Fall asleep on a city bench in the middle of the day.
16. Walk to school in eight feet of snow.
17. Apply liquid lipstick with my thumb.
18. Get a flu shot every week for a year.
19. Eat my dog's food.
20. Clean a little box with a toothbrush.
21. Drink an entire gallon of my boyfriend's homemade mead.
22. Watch the entire first season of South Park in a single sitting.
23. Watch a Keeping Up With The Kardashians marathon.
24. Mow Heinz Field in July.
25. Climb the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse in August.
26. Go swimming in the Atlantic Ocean in February.
27. Drive a 90's model mini van to formal.
28. Have an allergic reaction on a date.
29. Throw out my Naked palettes.
30. Dig my way out of prison with a dull spoon.
31. Give up Twitter.
32. Get a Tinder profile.
33. Break up with my boyfriend.
34. Wear nothing but bell bottom jeans and One Direction t-shirts.
35. Listen to nothing but Kidz Bop.
36. Read War and Peace in one weekend.
37. Never eat movie theater popcorn again.
38. Parallel park during rush hour.
39. Drive to Minneapolis from Pittsburgh without taking toll roads.
40. Break a mirror on Friday the 13th.
41. Burn every Yankee Candle I own at one time in the same room.
42. Wear Crocs to my wedding.
43. Clean a Taco Bell bathroom.
44. Start feeling the effects of the stomach flu in the middle of a job interview.
45. Replace the toilet paper in my apartment with sandpaper.
46. Dye my hair bright orange.
47. Forget to hit save on a 30-page research paper.
48. �Take a class on the history and culture of earth worms.
49. Get a tattoo of Sonic the Hedgehog.
50. �Pack everything I own into plastic ziploc bags.
51. Marry a man who only wear a clown costume.
52. Clean all my windows with clorox wipes.
53. Use a duct tape every time I need a band-aid.
54. Drink exclusively skim milk.
55. Use a bath bomb made of ketchup.
56. Use Facebook Messenger as my only form of communication.
57. Use exclusively bright pink eye shadow.
58. And only pair it with lime green eyeliner.
59. And foundation that is exactly two shades too dark.
60. Ride the same bus I rode in junior high with the same people, as a daily commute, forever.
61. Watch Tosh.0.
62. Go to a WWE event.
63. Have surgery in a hospital in a country where I don't speak the language.
64. Only sleep on craft-fair hamburger pillows.
65. Spend a night with the killer whales at Sea World.
66. Eat an entire Little Ceasar's Hot and Ready pizza by myself.
67. Only be able to eat strawberry ice cream.
68. Attend a sex ed class with my grandmother.
69. Develop an allergy to beef.
70. Hang every picture and poster in my room crooked.
71. Encourage my boyfriend to stop using deodorant.
72. And then sleep on a twin size bed with him.
73. Use my student ID picture as my permanent ID.
74. Open a beer bottle with my teeth.
75. Take a high school gym class every year for the rest of my life.
76. Have to get everything I need out of a pay-per-play crane machine game.
77. Take a calculus class.
78. Write a senior thesis in Chinese.
79. Take a survey about everything I do every day.
80. Be on hold with the cable company for nine hours.
81. Give up tequila.
