True Friendship does not require words during the worst of times.
Friendships are one of the most vital aspects of human existence. And with more research piling up showing how the quality of relationships can actually be a more accurate predictor of a longer, healthier life than brain chemistry or other factors, building and deepening relationships becomes increasingly important. Here are 10 ways to deepen the relationships in your life.
1. Do something unexpected
Good surprises can be a great way to show your appreciation for your friends, family or anyone. Do something nice that they wouldn’t expect, take them out for a surprise trip, do a chore for them so they don’t have to, show up at their work or just surprise them in a good way.
2. Give a Gift
Gifts are a very underappreciated art form. You can even make gifts to give to people. But in all seriousness, this can be very meaningful. When getting gifts, don’t just get some random object. Make it something personal. Inside jokes can be fantastic for this, or something that you can do together like tickets to a concert, or a pass to a gym, etc. The possibilities are endless.
3. Talk about something you don’t normally talk about
We all have friends we talk to for certain things, but even with some of our best friends, there are things that we just don’t talk about very often. One of the great questions I got recently, is what is one thing you would do to improve the quality of your friendships. This really makes you think, especially when your friendships are going pretty great. And I realized a lot of people are looking for deeper conversations. You learn more about people when you drop your filters. This can mean even things you are afraid to talk about or think might be offensive if you say out loud, but may be very important for you to say.
4. Go on a trip
Long trips, and even living with someone for awhile, brings things out in them that you may never have known, even if you think you really know that person. Going on long trips brings out people’s sense of adventure, and it can also force you to be more honest with so much time and nothing to do but talk and play games. It forces you to get to know people better in a potentially very beneficial way.
5. Watch each other’s favorite shows, listen to their favorite music, exchange favorite books
What a person loves to take in can teach you a lot about them. What kind of comedy they like and the deepness with which they can view certain topics. You can get to know the person in really phenomenal ways and both be inspired by the same thing. Also, writing poetry can also reveal a lot about another person.
6. Do what they’re passionate about with them
This could be music, teaching, sewing, exercise or whatever they love to do, don’t just talk about it with them but actually go out and do some of it. If you don’t know how then learn. Knowing that you can actually share and experience your passion with someone else is vastly important.
7. Take turns talking and listening
Sometimes people just need to vent. Sometimes that person is you and sometimes people aren’t looking for advice. What they really want is someone who will just listen and someone who they can feel safe talking to. Don’t do all the taking in a relationship. But don’t do all the giving either. Good relationships require both, and without any expectation of reward. Friendships are built on trust.
8. Be brutally honest when they’re doing something wrong
Being soft and gentle to someone when they’re doing something wrong, especially when it’s hurting someone or it’s hurting themselves, will not change anything. You cannot expect them to slowly change. By passively allowing negative actions, you are approving and accepting what they do, and yes that includes even laughing at jokes that are inappropriate or aimed to bring someone else down. We have to hold each other accountable for doing bad things if we are to make this world a better place. I promise you that your friend will appreciate you more for doing that. Please don’t just agree with everything they say and every decision they make. Be real when you need to. Your friend isn’t always right.
I hope you’ve enjoyed all these tips about deepening your friendships. And remember, these are by no means the only ways to do this. There are numerous methods that I did not mention, and endless ways to make relationships deeper. But remember, there are also relationships that damage us. Holding grudges is immensely damaging to your health, so just don’t do it. Life’s too short to be angry. And being angry actually makes life a lot shorter than your think.
If you have any other great ideas to deepen your relationships with coworkers, friends, family, etc., please feel free to comment them. Remember, don’t let good friendships die and don’t be lazy with the friends you admire most. Sometimes we need that little extra connection with someone to make our day great.
