How To Handle Friends That Never Give But Always Take
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

How To Handle Friends That Never Give But Always Take

It's time to reflect on those friendships that are unbalanced.

How To Handle Friends That Never Give But Always Take

It’s been a few days since you’ve seen a friend. You meet up for coffee at your go-to Starbucks on campus.

Coffees in hand and camped out in the far corner of the shop, you are eager to learn about your friend’s latest news and hopeful about the conversation that lies ahead.

“How are you? What is new with you? How is your internship? What are your classes? How are your other clubs?” you ask, eager and intrigued to listen.

The questions pour out, effortlessly flowing from the previous answer to the following enquiry.

Your friend glances at the time, losing track of it throughout the encounter. “I have my next class but let’s do this soon! It was great to catch up,” She says as she gathers up her belongings and heads out the door.

It was nice to catch up… right? You know that her internship is skyrocketing, her organic chemistry class is the bane of her existence, and her friend from high school is coming to campus in eight days. But, what about you? At the end of the conversation, you are not rejuvenated, but exhausted. For an hour and a half, you were a sponge, diligently absorbing your friend’s every thought, feeling, and word. You are overflowing. You have your friend’s thoughts and feelings recently consumed, as well as your own feelings and life problems. However, these were left concealed and untouched throughout the entire conversation.

Eventually, you find yourself in a friendship that requires much more giving instead of receiving. You are elated to be the shoulder to cry on, the ear to listen, or the voice to give advice. But, who do you turn to celebrate a successful internship, or to vent about a difficult class or to share excitement about a close friend’s visit? Eventually, you ache for a friend to ask you how you are doing purely because he or she genuinely wants to know. Your friend chooses to listen. Your friend chooses to give rather than receive.

Ideally, a friendship is 50-50: 50 percent “give” and 50 percent “take.” However, if the balancing act becomes uneven, then it’s time to take action. Communication is always a good start to salvage the friendship and to hopefully create something that was better than before. Your friend may be unaware that you are feeling this way, and addressing the issue is all that is necessary to build the friendship that you both deserve.

Another means to handle this type of friendship is to invest in yourself. Are you neglected and reserved in several of your relationships? If so, it may be time to have self-reflection and self-development. Explore your world, learn something you’ve always been intrigued by, travel to places you’ve never been but always wanted to go, challenge yourself. Invest in your passions and interests so that you learn more about your identity. Along the way, you will gain the confidence necessary to assert yourself in relationships that were originally intimidating and unfulfilling.

However, it is easy to fall into the dangerous cycle of being hopeful. “She will change, she will care, she will ask about me… next time.” You wait until next time, to eventually be disappointed. The cut is deeper and the disappointment overwhelms more than ever before.

If you find yourself continuously fatigued after conversation and reserved about your own life, it is time to reevaluate the friendship entirely. Everyone has a scarce amount of social energy, energy that is allotted to friends, family, acquaintances and beyond. Because of this, you and only you have the power to invest in people that you want in your life. You have the power to minimize the amount of time and energy invested in a friendship purely because it is too exhausting. You have the power determine who stays and who leaves in your life.

Now it’s time to take action. Now is the time to recognize that you have a voice in these relationships. And now is the time to use it. You have the voice to say, “hey, I really wanted to share this with you,” or, “I have something to say now.” You have the power to keep people in your life that bring light, and remove others that bring pain. In fact, you have the obligation to yourself to do so.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lots of people sat on the cinema wearing 3D glasses

Ever wonder what your friend meant when they started babbling about you taking their stapler? Or how whenever you ask your friend for a favor they respond with "As You Wish?" Are you looking for new and creative ways to insult your friends?

Well, look no further. Here is a list of 70 of the most quotable movies of all time. Here you will find answers to your questions along with a multitude of other things such as; new insults for your friends, interesting characters, fantastic story lines, and of course quotes to log into your mind for future use.

Keep Reading...Show less
New Year Resolutions

It's 2024! You drank champagne, you wore funny glasses, and you watched the ball drop as you sang the night away with your best friends and family. What comes next you may ask? Sadly you will have to return to the real world full of work and school and paying bills. "Ah! But I have my New Year's Resolutions!"- you may say. But most of them are 100% complete cliches that you won't hold on to. Here is a list of those things you hear all around the world.

Keep Reading...Show less

The Ultimate Birthday: Unveiling the Perfect Day to Celebrate!

Let's be real, the day your birthday falls on could really make or break it.

​different color birthday candles on a cake
Blacksburg Children's Museum

You heard it here first: birthdays in college are some of the best days of your four years. For one day annually, you get to forget about your identity as a stressed, broke, and overworked student, and take the time to celebrate. You can throw your responsibilities for a day, use your one skip in that class you hate, receive kind cards and gifts from loved ones and just enjoy yourself.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments