The holiday season wouldn't be complete without festive decorations, peppermint bark and relatives asking questions. It wouldn't be so bad if the only question you were asked over the holidays was, Do you want another glass of wine? But, sadly, this usually isn't the case. If you're an underclassman in college, one of your no-filter relatives might ask something like, What the hell do you plan to do with a major like that? Or if you're a senior like me, you'll probably get, So, do you have a job lined up after graduation?
And regardless of your age, you'll most definitely be asked about your love life. Maybe they'll say, Still single? Or perhaps there will be a few questions about your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, in which case, they probably forgot (or have no idea) that you've broken up. These can be tough waters to tread through, so here are eight things I'd rather do this holiday season than answer awkward questions.
1. Eat every pine needle off of the Christmas tree.
If you have a big appetite like I do, this sounds pretty manageable. It's the sharpness of the needles that's worrisome. But it would certainly keep you busy for a while -- at least long enough to dodge unwanted questions!
2. Do a naked snow angel.
This isn't a big deal to anyone who doesn't live in the Midwest. But when you consider that it was more than 20 below the other day where I live, this one speaks for itself.
3. Watch the movie Bad Grandpa with my grandma.
Unfortunately, I've already done this. Scratch that -- we only got through the first five minutes. If you've seen the movie, you know this is saying something. I'm saying I would rather suffer through 102 minutes of cringing at crude humor and trying to hide my face from my grandmother than talk about my future.
4. Get coal in my stocking.
I don't care. Just don't ask me what I'm doing after graduation.
5. Watch the Jim Carrey version of The Grinch on repeat.
Sorry, but I hate that movie. The animated version is okay, but Jim Carrey is downright exhausting. His weird facial expressions and way of speaking is just too much. This is true punishment for me.
6. Repeatedly burn my tongue on hot chocolate.
If you burn all of your taste buds off, does that inhibit your ability to speak? Maybe not. But you can sure use it as an excuse. When someone asks a question you don't want to answer, just shake your head and point at your tongue. Their confusion should give you enough time to slip off into the next room.
7. Play Go Fish.
Does anyone actually like Go Fish? It has got to be the most simple, mindless game on the face of the earth. In other words, I'd rather be completely and utterly bored than partake in conversation about how I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do with my life.
8. Drink heavily.
Well, obviously. Relationships (or lack thereof) and future plans are already stressing you out without someone asking about them. Might as well escape those thoughts for a while with a big ole' glass of wine or maybe something harder like a Margarita or a Moscow Mule.
Of course, relatives are generally trying to be kind and interested when they ask about your life, but repeating the same monologue over and over again ("I'm not dating anyone, and I'm not sure what I want to do yet after graduation, but I'm exploring X, Y, and Z"), gets to be quite draining. At the very least, these miserable ideas could provide some distraction or short-term relief. Or, if nothing else, you'll be able to cross all of them off of your inverse bucket list of things you never actually wanted to do, but did.
