In my opinion, there is absolutely nothing more exciting than post-season hockey. As someone who has lived and breathed New York Rangers hockey her entire life, this has been a very exciting (and extremely stressful) post-season for me. I'm convinced I will die ten years earlier than planned because of how consistently stressed out I've been. I honestly don't think school has ever stressed me out as much as the Rangers have.
Stress seems to be the trend here for all of postseason hockey fans. If you're a Canadiens fan, you had brief hope of making it back to the Eastern Conference Finals after soaring back from being down 3-0. If you root for the Capitals, sorry-not-sorry my team beat yours. If you root for the Preds, you too had a brief glimmer of hope and saw years of your life fade away as they gave up that 3-0 lead in Game 6. If you're a Hawks or Ducks fan, you've actually had a pretty stress-free post season. Lucky you.
Here is a typical day when your favorite hockey team is playing in a Game 7 elimination game as told by Spongebob.
1. Game Day Excitement.
You can't wait until 7 PM. This is it. Today's the day! The sun is shining! The tank is clean! This is what you've been waiting for.
2. The Panic
The game starts in two hours. All of a sudden, you retreat into panic mode. What if they lose? OMG, WHAT IF THEY LOSE?! You start thinking about your will so that you can appropriately distribute your belongings to those closest to you because you are prepared to die if this doesn't go your way.
3. Rituals/Spiritual Guidance
Much like you have certain rituals that you do before a test, going out, etc. you will do whatever you have to do in order to ensure good luck for your team. You develop a newfound respect for religion and start praying to God every five minutes because maybe he'll admire your sudden dedication and give your team the win. You will do whatever it takes for any extra ounce of good luck.
4. The Spot
You go sit down on the exact same spot on the couch, the same table at your favorite sports bar, the floor, wherever you were the last time they won is where you will sit for hours and not move until the game is over. If it's at a bar, you position yourself in such a way that if you win, everyone will see your victory dance, and if you lose, you can quietly slip away without being too embarrassed.
5. The First Goal
THEY SCORED!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!! You're jumping up and down making a scene at the bar. If there are fans of the rival team around you, you may or may not be threatening to fight them. You're winning and there's nothing they can do. You are on top of the world.
6. The Other First Goal
Oh. The other team scored. Those rival fans are pointing at you and baiting you to fight them. You are unamused and sit there quietly. It's okay, you think to yourself, they just wanted to make the game interesting.
7. Overtime
Oh my god, this is the end. They're going into overtime. You feel your heart speeding up, your blood pressure is rising. Your body cannot take this. Your friends have started to worry about you and are afraid what will happen to you if they lose.
8. VICTORY
THEY DID IT!!! THEY SCORED AND THEY WON!!! Not only are you screaming and jumping up and down for joy, you have started crying as well. You have never been happier than you are in this very moment. Your friends are incredibly relieved because they were afraid they would have to bail you out of jail for murder if they lost. Now you have at least 4 more games to be stressed over!
Happy Stanley Cup playoffs. Go Rangers!
