I have lived in Florida for almost 17 years, and have narrowed it down to eight reasons why you should live in Miami.

1. If you love the heat.

If you like 90 degree weather 9 months out of year you should live in Miami. If you want to take a shower after walking to the mailbox, walking you're dog or honestly just taking out the trash living in Miami is for you. If you want to get into your car and choke on the heat, burn your hand on the steering wheel or seat belt living in Miami is definetly for you. If you want to get sun burnt and have a higher risk of skin cancer then hey book your ticket now because Miami can help you with that.

2. If you like people with no manners.

If you like slow and rude costumer service then Miami is the place for you. Like asking what carosul your bags are coming out of in the airport and recieve the response "I don't know" or If you want to get put on hold for 20 mins to order a pizza then come on down. If you decide to get a job here in retail or food, make sure you get ready to be approached in Spanish and get a dirty look if you don't speak the language. Keep in mind that getting called a "whore" or a "slut" if you don't get that persons food out in time is also not out of the cards!

3. If you don't mind your plans getting interrupted by weather.

Casually wanting to go to the pool and it being sunny doesn't mean squat. You could turn around and it can start thundering and lighting like a tropical storm wave and in 20 mins it will blow over. If you like the feeling of a sanua then Miami really is for you.

4. If you enjoy people who don't follow the rules of the road.

Who follows speed limits and road signs anymore? Those are just friendly suggestions. If you don't follow road signs, speed limit signs, or use a blinker we have found your people here in Sunny Miami. If you just decide to make a right from the left lane you do you Miami accepts you! If you like paying high insurance costs because getting in an accident is inevitable and like risking your life everytime you get on 95; welcome home.

5. If you're into weird drugs.


Not only is Miami the best place for the purest cocaine, we also make a wide range of synthetic drugs like "flaka" and "bathsalts!" We even have synthetic Marijuana because the natural stuff doesn't mingle with the Miami vibe!

6. If you like excessive amounts of construction.

If you like high rises blocking the sun from the beach and more and more complexes being built with out any public transportation then please move here to fill all the buildings going up.

7. If you like crappy sports teams.

If you like sports named after Aquatic Animal, blue, pink and orange you will love the Dolphins and the Marlins. If you think locker room bullying cant be controlled by a coach too, get season tickets because everyone who watched the Dolphins is the away team so give them some love because no one else will. Miami is also for you if you revel in the past of you're 1972 undefeated season and have accomplished nothing else since then.

8. Lastly, If you're not scared of weird animals and infectious insects.

If you like large reptiles like gators, snakes, large flying insects and mosquitos with zika please book your ticket ASAP. Just some tips, running from a gator in a zig zag pattern doesn't work, palmetto bugs don't like to die, avoiding zika by using bug spray with deet, and the snakes are brought over here illegally and released when they get to big. If you find a large snake or gator in your pool its okay Wildlife rescue knows what they are doing.

Sorry if you're butt hurt..