- I met my soul mate knowing I was leaving. I was leaving at the end of summer to go back to my university, knowing that over 1,000 miles would separate us. At first, neither of us wanted to experience the pain and anguish of a long-distance relationship, but realizing our love was stronger than distance was the best realization we’ve ever had. After a year together, and 10 months of that being long distance, I’ve found the essentials any couple needs to sustain the healthiest long-distance relationship.
1. Communication.
Seriously. The number one reason couples fight is miscommunication. That miscommunication either comes from the lack of communication or misunderstanding. It’s a two-way road. Whether it means that you need to talk about your emotions more or that one partner needs to be more open about problems instead of bottling them up, communication controls your relationship.
2. Stop the secrets.
Most people think that secrets are just things you don’t tell your significant other, but when you’re in a long-distance relationship, anything can turn into a secret. It sounds scary, but honesty is your best policy when you can’t talk to someone face-to-face. Even if it’s a simple text from your ex about needing his old sweatshirt back or a guy from work hitting on you, even though you said no, TELL. Not because you did anything wrong, but because you never know if something could spiral out of control, and that’s when your significant other will wonder why you didn’t have the nerve to tell them in the first place.
3. Stay connected.
In today’s age, it isn’t hard to stay connected with someone. Between FaceTime, Skype, texting, calling, Snapchat and the many other ways, being apart of your partner’s life shouldn’t be hard. Everyone finds a way to be attached, so find a way that works and keep it.
4. Make a schedule.
In my relationship we easily learned one another’s school schedule, combined with work or other activities, and realized when there was a good time to talk. A good example would be on Mondays when I had class from 12:30-2, he had class from 1-2:20, we found the time before I started class was perfect to hold us over until both of us had time after class. For the rest of the semester, we created a schedule, but we knew Monday we had time before class, and that always stuck. Maintaining a schedule is crucial to staying important in your partner's life and not getting overwhelmed with things outside of the relationship.
5. Trust.
I’m going to put this simply, if you believe your significant other will cheat, it is probably going to happen. I’m sorry to say, but the more you believe someone is going to do something bad to you, the more you ask them about it, the more you put the idea in their head and the more you push them away, the more likely it is to happen. Ever heard the saying “you pushed him into her arms” (or vice versa), that is 100 percent true when it comes to long-distance relationships. Just don’t do it, okay?
6. Visit whenever you can.
This school year, I visited my boyfriend at school at least once a month when we weren’t on breaks. It is important to see one another and remember the connection you two have, not just on FaceTime. Trust me, the feeling of seeing them for the first time in a couple months, or even weeks, is the best feeling in the world. Not everyone can afford visiting as often every month, but to be safe, every three months is a great goal for the relationship.
Set future goals.
The greatest essential in any relationship, but especially in a long-distance one, is knowing where your relationship is going. Marriage? Children? Living together? Understanding the other person’s goals in life and their goals pertaining to your relationship will save you months of the long-distance trek to break up. Not only does this solidify your relationship, but also gives you more things to learn about one another that you maybe didn’t know before!
Maintain independence.
I find often that women (specifically) lose their friends and ignore those that mean most because of a relationship. In a relationship that isn't easily accessible on a daily basis, there has to be a sense of independence to maintain living your life. Keep going to movies, having drinks, going out to dinners, absolutely anything that holds some sense of normalcy, keep it. Because god knows long-distance relationships are anything but normal.
Although your life is going to be turned upside down and spun around in a limbo you had no idea existed, keep your mind right, because this long distance relationship could be the one for the rest of your life.
