6 Types Of Players In Pickup Basketball | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Sports

6 Types Of Players In Pickup Basketball

The starting five (and sixth man) of the dudes you'll find in every gym in America.

2856
6 Types Of Players In Pickup Basketball
Shutterbug.com

Every guy has experienced it. You step into your nearest gym to shoot a few hoops to finish a workout or maybe you even brought shoes and intended to get a couple of games in. Immediately upon entry, you're being sized up by the rest of the ball-bouncing patrons that surround you, and eventually, you'll be asked the question out-of-shape men ages 18-60 have been asking since Dr. Naismith created the game with peach baskets: "hey, you wanna play?"

At which point you likely oblige and immediately start sizing up the other men within the game. These are the six stereotypes your mind immediately jumps to when sizing up opposing competitors, and unlike most of life, you're more often than not correct.

1. The Hustle Guy

There's a couple of different possibilities for a backstory for, "the hustle guy." One is that he is or was a supremely talented athlete in a different sport, and is now playing pickup for the sake of his buddies or just to get a run in; or it's that this is where he gets his juice, why he gets up every morning, which is probably much more concerning for you as an opponent. The hustle guy will lead the game in both fouls and high fives. He'll take you as a personal challenge, whether you're a former 20 point scorer or a throw-in.

2. The Gear Guy

A personal favorite. This is the guy that shows up to a church league game with headband and arm sleeve already on. He drove to the gym drinking an electrolyte supplement. He laces up the newest KD's/Lebron's/Curry's, begins his intricate warm-up and refuses to enter the game until he's "loose". A master of throwing his head back to, "get the call" in a call-your-own-fouls game, he shoots heat checks after making one pull-up jumper. A risk/reward if you pick him for your team.

3. The Trash Talker

Number two and three can sometimes overlap, but when a team has both, the beauty of pickup basketball is in full effect. This is the guy who has a disclaimer before the game starts. Something to the effect of, "Ay man, I just want you to know once I step between these lines, I'm a different dude." On the second possession of the game, he calls for a clear out and fires up a step back 3 airball, claiming the ball is slippery. With both the shortest memory on misses and the longest memory on makes, it takes a special type of person to be this guy. Also, beware of statements like, "these dudes CAN'T GUARD ME" while standing in the corner calling for the ball, shooting hand trembling.

4. The Geezer

The most underrated of the five. A requirement of fitting this mold is to be over the age of 40, or at least appear so. No one wants to foul, touch or even guard "The Geezer" until he makes three straight 15-foot bank shots in a row. A master of the high post bounce pass and flat-footed block, he plays below the rim and above the brain. In a full court game, he may be exposed by younger legs. In a half court game, class is in session.

5. The Skyscraper

First of all, let me say this: if there's anyone above 6'8" in your gym and under the age of 45, there's no way he can even dribble a basketball because if he could, he'd be getting paid to play basketball, aka not in your YMCA in Wichita, Kansas. With that being said, I've found most tall guys who play pickup don't even like basketball or can't play, they've just been told their entire lives they like basketball because they're naturally a little closer to the rim than the rest of us. This might be the least desirable of the stereotypes, because you get most of the blame from your buddies because you are, like, really tall. DO THINGS I CAN'T DO is all I'm asking.

6. The Man

Every alpha dog asserts his dominance one way or another, and "The Man" is no different. When you walk in to the gym or your game and see guys warming up, "The Man" can easily be identified by dunking, shooting Chef Curry distance 3's or even stretching, likely with one of his dutiful minions."The Man" often wants to bring the ball up, and is guilty of passing and then immediately wanting the ball back. Many times, he can combine multiple stereotypes on this list, making for some truly memorable pickup games. This is the guy that may have his girl at his game, take possessions off, demand an isolation on the last possession of the game, and ask if you guys saw "my man go off" last night, with no indication as to who his man is.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Relationships

Power of Love Letters

I don't think I say it enough...

444766
Illistrated image of a letter with 2 red hearts
StableDiffusion

To My Loving Boyfriend,

  • Thank you for all that you do for me
  • Thank you for working through disagreements with me
  • Thank you for always supporting me
  • I appreciate you more than words can express
  • You have helped me grow and become a better person
  • I can't wait to see where life takes us next
  • I promise to cherish every moment with you
  • Thank you for being my best friend and confidante
  • I love you and everything you do

To start off, here's something I don't say nearly enough: thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You do so much for me that I can't even put into words how much I appreciate everything you do - and have done - for me over the course of our relationship so far. While every couple has their fair share of tiffs and disagreements, thank you for getting through all of them with me and making us a better couple at the other end. With any argument, we don't just throw in the towel and say we're done, but we work towards a solution that puts us in a greater place each day. Thank you for always working with me and never giving up on us.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

11 Signs You Grew Up In Hauppauge, NY

Because no one ever really leaves.

18306
Map of Hauppauge, New York
Google

Ah, yes, good old Hauppauge. We are that town in the dead center of Long Island that barely anyone knows how to pronounce unless they're from the town itself or live in a nearby area. Hauppauge is home to people of all kinds. We always have new families joining the community but honestly, the majority of the town is filled with people who never leave (high school alumni) and elders who have raised their kids here. Around the town, there are some just some landmarks and places that only the people of Hauppauge will ever understand the importance or even the annoyance of.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Moana's Top 10 Life Tips

"Moana" is filled with life lessons that involve far more than finding true love as many other Disney movies do.

42478
Animated image of a woman with long dark hair and tattoos
StableDiffusion

1. It's easy to be fooled by shiny things.

Digital image of shiny gemstones in cased in gold. shiny things StableDiffusion

Tamatoa created a liar filled with shiny things simply for the purpose of tricking fish to enter and become his food. He too experiences a lesson in how easy it is to be tricked by shiny things when Moana distracts him by covering herself in glowing algae so Maui can grab his hook.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

7 Types Of Students You Will Meet In College

You wish you could be #5, but you know you're probably a #6.

21847
cool group of lazy college students in class
StableDiffusion

There are thousands of universities around the world, and each school boasts its own traditions and slogans. Some schools pride themselves on sports, while others emphasize their research facilities. While there is a myriad of differences among each and every school, there will always these seven types of students in class.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

15 Rhyme Without Reason Greek Life Function Ideas

When you have no ideas for what to wear to this date function

322286
A dog and a frog
Healthy Pets

I am going to a rhyme without reason date function and I have looked at so many different rhyming words and I figured there need to be a new list of words. At these functions, there are usually at least two rockers and boxers and an umpteenth amount of dogs and frogs. I have come up with a list of creative and unique ideas for these functions.

If you like what you see, get a shopping cart going with these costumes.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments