7 Things We Can Officially Retire
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Politics and Activism

7 Things We Can Officially Retire

We'd be better off if all these things just went away.

7 Things We Can Officially Retire

I like popular culture as much as the next guy, but sometimes it gets a bit old. Once something catches on and goes viral, it spreads like wildfire. For the sake of clarity, here's some stuff that needs to retire and move to Florida.

The Word “Geaux”

OK, we get it, you’re a Cajun. Now can we please go back to spelling things with the letter “O?” I know it's a gas to change every “o” to an “eaux,” but let’s try and resist.

The Dab

This one is an epidemic. I’ve watched newscasters, athletes and fraternity brothers embarrass themselves with cheap attempts at this “dance move.” I put “dance move” in quotes because it looks more like someone sneezing into their elbow.

Phone Books

Seriously, whoever is delivering phone books should just quit. I can’t name one person who would rather flip through the yellow pages than use a quick Google search. They are good for killing large spiders and starting fires, though.

Donald Trump

For me, retiring the Donald is less controversial than phone books. Trump’s name has been in headlines for what seems like an eternity. Does anyone actually want him to be president? The whole thing feels a little like an extended episode of “Punk’d” with Ashton Kutcher.

“Bout it”

“Hey, want to go to the pool?”

“Yeah, I’m bout it.”

I’m pretty sure we’ve been saying “bout it” for three or four years now, but its been around way longer than that. My friends and I are especially guilty of being “bout.” Most of the time, it adds no extra meaning. In the example above, a simple “yeah” would suffice.

Political Bumper Stickers

I've never felt committed enough to slap a candidate's name on my vehicle. In a way, I envy the optimism of people driving around with Ran Paul or Bernie Sanders on their fenders. But, at some point, that candidate loses, and I remember why we need to abolish political bumper stickers.


It amazes me how Pitbull still manages to get in the Top 40. Remember “Culo” from 2004? That was 12 years ago. Besides, his new music is generic pop garbage. Pitbull, please retire.

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