Love is blind. People who are in love, with the right or wrong person, can be prone do doing stupid things. At some point in life, sadly, this will cause your heart to shatter. Everyone gets their heart broken; however, many people get their heart broken from their inability to notice signs of abuse. When people think of abuse, often physical abuse is what pops in their head first. This is obviously a terrible situation, but people often forget that emotional abuse can be just as harmful and harder to detect.
People who have experienced emotional abuse know what it can cause. Though he is not physically hurting you, he is beating you down so hard that you begin to doubt yourself. You start to hate yourself. You stop valuing yourself. You lose self-worth. You start to fall into a hole that is almost two deep to come back from. Emotional abuse destroys people from the inside out, and often times, people don't realize it is even happening until they are in too deep. Self-loathing turns into self-harming. Low self-esteem turns into looking in the mirror disgusted by what is reflected back. Emotional scarring turns into staying up until 5am on the bathroom floor trying to figure out why you are not good enough.
No one should ever have to go through this. No one should ever feel so unhappy and unwanted. You are special. You are beautiful. You are one of a kind. Don't let a low life boy make you feel any differently. If he is showing any of these signs, he is an abuser and he is not worth it by any means.
1. He is manipulative.
This is number one on the list for a reason. This seems to be the hardest to detect. Many people who manipulate others have a tendency to do so in a sneaky way. They can seem so genuine. They may seem to really care. But, think about if what he is doing is only benefiting him. Manipulators will use whatever cunning tricks it takes to get what they want. They often show affection mainly when they are trying to get something they want. They use your emotions to force you into things that you may not want to do. They may tell you how much they love and appreciate you only when they want to sleep with you. They may use the "if you love me then you would..." trick. If he is doing this, HE IS MANIPULATIVE. The thing people tend to forget about is that manipulators DON'T care about you. They care about THEMSELVES.
2. He is controlling.
Other than the obvious telling you what and what not to do, this can be done in many subtle ways. For example, you have some friends invite you to a girls night out at the club one Saturday. He may say its okay but he starts to guilt you into staying. He makes you feel like you have to choose between him and everything else in your life. He may also tell you what you should wear, how you should spend your time, or pressure you into things you don't want to do. This is a major issue that can lead to so much self-hatred. it is NOT worth it.
3. He is misogynistic.
He refers to you as derogatory/sexist words. Whether you think he is using it as a joke or not, This is a MAJOR red flag and should not be tolerated. Even if he is "joking," what shouts disrespect more than someone, who is supposed to build you up, calling you a "slut" or "whore" or anything of that nature. Not only is this disrespectful towards you, but a slap in the face to every woman on earth. It is not ever a joke. Don't let anyone call you anything other than uplifting words. You are not a piece of meat or garbage so DO NOT let him talk to you like you are.
4. He seems interested in everything but you.
He focuses on his video games or phone more than you when you are together. He loves to make time for his friends but it seems inconvenient to do the same for you. He doesn't value the time you spend together. He acts as if you are a burden in any way. You should feel like you are enough. YOU ARE ENOUGH.
5. He dampens your personal growth.
He makes you feel less confident in yourself. He makes you see flaws as problems instead of part of who you are. He makes you question yourself and everything you know. He makes you feel less of a person. You don't need anyone who is a set back. If you are unsure if this is an issue, make a pros and cons list. You can easily see what outweighs the other.
6. He causes you to lose relationships with family/friends.
I always thought as a teenager, my mom warned me about people to put a damper on my happiness. To keep a sense of control. I started to resent her for it. But now that I am older, I realized that she had reasoning for her disapproval. When you are blinded by love, it is definitely hard to understand where people are coming from when they say he is no good. But I learned that my mom was always right, despite what I thought at the time. If he is causing problems in your other relationships, there is a problem. He shouldn't have control over who is in your life. No matter how subtly he does this, it is an instant red flag.
Not only have I had to experience this, but I have had to watch the people I love go through the same thing. I hope that this can help you to keep an eye out on who you are with. You should never let someone make you feel less than wonderful. If you have sadly already experienced this or are now, just know YOU ARE WORTH MORE. You can and will do better. It will heal.
