I was never a drinker. Growing up with an alcoholic father stopped me from touching alcohol for a long time. (Don't get me wrong, my dad is an amazing, hard-working man who I love very much.) It was 18 years to be exact. But one October night during my senior year of high school, I decided it was time to give it a shot (heh, get it?). And let’s just say, it was not pretty. And due to my family history, it continued to not be pretty for the next two years of my young adult life and still continues to not be pretty now.
Just to clarify, I don’t think that if you touch alcohol you are the devil. I just believe that - for some people, myself especially - when you touch alcohol, you literally turn into someone so awful that you probably could be the devil. So lately, I’ve been picking up on some signs that really scream to me that I should probably stop.
1. Awful hangovers.
When I say this, I don’t mean you wake up a little groggy with a headache. I don’t even mean that you may or may not vomit. When I say this, I mean puking so hard that you pee yourself. Puking straight stomach acid for five hours and having to go to the hospital because you can’t keep down a Pepto Bismol long enough to stop the nausea. Like I said, not pretty.
2. Blacking out.
This is one of the scarier parts of drinking. I have had nights that are completely gone from my memory. I have no idea where I went, what I did, or who I was with. Not a single clue. I get bits and pieces from people who walk up to me the next day with a knowing smile on their face, asking how I’m doing after last night - and I’m left feeling utterly confused and useless.
3. Bad judgement.
I’m going to admit this, out loud, right now. I have driven while under the influence. I am not proud of it. In fact, I am pretty upset with myself over this. After years of being driven to dance class in unsafe situations, I promised myself I would never do this. And I broke that promise. When you’re drunk, you tell yourself you aren’t so much that you actually believe it. And you do things that are just plain stupid - like getting behind the wheel of a car.
4. Losing clothing.
Let’s be honest, when they say “tequila makes her clothes fall off,” they aren’t kidding. And I mean, in completely non-sexual situations, I have just pulled off some of my favorite shirts and thrown them across the room for seemingly no reason -- just because I “felt like it.” And I have never seen those shirts again. Shirts, if you’re out there, I hope you’re happy. Be free. Live long and prosper. You are missed.
5. Getting violent.
I am not a violent person. I am quite the opposite of violent. I’m one of those sensitive girls that thinks the world should be filled with puppies and rainbows and smiles. But when I get a little bit too much vodka in me, that all goes out the window. I become so irritable. I get offended by every little thing a person says. And -- like an animal -- if I feel threatened enough, I attack. Let me remind you, I am a 5-foot-2 girl who has never fought a day in her life. My “attacks” aren’t all that harmful. But I have punched my friends in the arm when they’ve tried to pry the bottle out of my hand. And that just isn’t the person I want to be.
6. Regret.
Personally, after a night of binge drinking, I am filled with regret. I often feel guilty for my actions the night before. I find myself asking why I even allow myself to get to that point -- but the truth is, I don’t allow it. It just happens. Once I start, I don’t stop. That’s just how it is. And that is exactly why I need to stay away for a while -- or at least learn my limits.
If you relate to any of these, congratulations, you’re a normal college student. Don’t let these habits follow you out of college and you’ll be just fine.
If you need help, please seek it. Contact the American Addictions Center hotline at (855) 748-0870.
